3 Questions to Ask When Struggling to Accept Your Body

Body acceptance doesn't come easy, especially for midlife women! ⁣After all, midlife women are often faced with divorce, an empty nest, peri/menopause, retirement, caring for aging parents, losing friends and family members, etc. Can you relate? 
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Listening to podcasts, calling a trusted friend, journaling, and connecting online in body-positive spaces can all be helpful strategies but they aren't always available or appealing to us in moments of discomfort. 

When negative thoughts surface about our bodies we need to be intentional about how we respond to them. One way to do this is with self-inquiry.

Self-inquiry helps to create a pause so we can begin exploring what may be going on beneath the "I feel ___________ (fat, old, lazy, washed up, etc.)." language. Self-inquiry also helps us to understand our experiences in new ways, develop new behaviors, and possibly recognize our blind spots. ⁣

Inquiry is a tool I often use during coaching sessions to help my clients gently excavate unhelpful beliefs that are keeping them from moving forward. In fact, some of the biggest "a-ha" moments my clients experience happen when I ask thought-provoking questions like some of the ones I'm sharing with you.

The great news about self-inquiry is that it's available to us all the time. 

The next time you are struggling with body acceptance, consider asking yourself one or a few of these questions and see what happens. I have a lot more questions (and some come to me at the moment) that I use but these will give you some idea of what I'm talking about so you can get started. Of course, it's best when these questions are asked in a compassionate, curious manner instead of with a judgy or condemning voice. 

What criteria are you evaluating yourself against?
What meaning are you attaching to your size/weight/age?
Since you cannot control your body, what else can you control that is within your reach? 

I use self-inquiry often and it works wonders for me! If you are already using self-inquiry but you are still bogged down with frequent negative thoughts about your body, aging, movement for mobility, etc. schedule time with me. This journey wasn't meant to be done alone. Support may be the missing piece you need to get over the hump.  

Your Body Isn't the Problem, but Here's What Is

One of the most common struggles my clients and the women I support on social media have is the fear of weight gain. So, if this is you, you're not alone. 

It makes perfect sense that so many are afraid of weight gain. I want to be clear that fear of weight gain can happen to people of any size. If you're in a smaller body you likely want to stay that way and if you're in a larger body, you may even fear it more. 

Some reasons why this is a common concern (this list is not exhaustive):

• People in larger bodies are pathologized and seen as a problem to be "fixed". 

• Weight gain, even when done for medical reasons like weight restoration, is usually noticed and is often a popular topic of conversation because our culture is obsessed with body size!

• Clothing options in terms of sizes, styles, and availability often become more limited.

• Fight travel is often a challenge and may be more expensive.

• Finding a weight-neutral or HAES practitioner isn't easy so weight stigma is rampant.

• People make automatic assumptions about people in larger bodies, especially in terms of fitness levels, overall health, love life, etc. 

• Fitting in (literally and figuratively) challenges our sense of belonging which is a basic human need. 

The truth is while all these concerns are 100% valid, there is still nothing wrong with your body as it is right now. 

Here's what IS wrong:

• That our culture discriminates against certain body sizes, especially aging bodies! 

• Our societal beliefs that there is one acceptable way to have a body and that they aren't supposed to change are rooted in a cascade of oppressive societal norms like patriarchy and racism. 

• That there is a magical formula to manifest the desired weight, size, and shape and that if we just tried hard enough, we'd have it. 

• That punitive behaviors like food restriction, compulsive exercise, and beating ourselves up for the sake of maintaining weight or looking a certain way regardless of the negative health outcomes are celebrated instead of questioned.

Here's what can be done to navigate this to experience peace:

• Understand that the diet and beauty industries are billion-dollar non-stop machines whose sole purpose is to make us feel like 'less than' or 'not enough' so we'll keep investing in them instead of in our true selves. 

• Stay rooted in your WHY. Remember why you left dieting (a.k.a undereating) behind in the first place and all the challenges associated with it. 

• Take time to reflect on the many gifts that food freedom and body liberation offer you daily. If you're a newbie, wait for it because you'll start feeling it soon enough. 

• Continue to do a cost/benefit analysis. Ask yourself what is the emotional and physical cost of going back to restrictive behaviors vs. what are the benefits of staying on the freedom trail. 

• If you are managing a chronic illness or are fearful about your long-term health due to your weight, remember that correlation doesn't prove causation. Research has shown over and over again that consistent self-care practices including gentle nutrition, movement, stress management, sleep, the way you define 'success', tending to mental health, etc. often have profound positive effects on our long-term health regardless of weight. 

• Learn how to feel the feelings of discomfort that often drive people back to restrictive behaviors. When we learn to feel, we slowly begin to neutralize these overwhelming feelings that something is wrong with our bodies.

That's why getting support from those specifically trained in this work, being part of body-positive communities, and continuing to lean into the discomfort is important. 

The truth is, you're on the right path and just because it may not always feel that way, those doubtful feelings will pass. As I often say, keep your eye on the prize which is FREEDOM and SUSTAINABILITY. 

Remember, you don't have to do this alone. Support makes all the difference!

The Truth about Belly Fat: Is It "Unhealthy"?

Raise your hand if you've got a belly roll(s).

Yep, I've got them too! In fact, I've had a belly roll for as long as I can remember, even when I was at my thinnest.

Most of my clients say that they have the most difficulty accepting their swishy bellies. In fact, this is one of the more common reasons why people feel the need to lose weight because they fear that belly fat is "unhealthy".

The Health At Every Size research indicates higher weights may be correlated with poor health, but it reminds us that it doesn't guarantee that it causes poor health. Still, ob*sity is constantly talked about in the media, in clinical spaces, in social circles, and at the holiday dinner table.

It's not just the claims that higher weights are "unhealthy" but more specifically that belly fat is downright dangerous.

While there is some biased research that visceral fat (the type of fat that wraps around abdominal organs) may increase some health risks, what most don't realize is that visceral fat can be found in people with flat bellies too. So, one cannot automatically assume that people in larger bodies or with bigger abdomens have visceral belly fat. For the record, visceral fat can only be determined by undergoing expensive medical scans.

The other type of belly fat is what we see when we look in the mirror. It's called subcutaneous fat (like in the image above). Everyone has some subcutaneous fat. How much we have is typically impacted by lifestyle factors such as diet and exercise, genetics, yo-yo dieting, and stress.

I'd be lying if I told you that I never worry about my abdominal fat sometimes because I do, especially since menopause. My guess is that you worry sometimes too. You may even worry enough to feel like you need to do something about it like lose weight or cut carbs, etc. If that's you, I understand, and I'm not surprised! After all, we're human and diet culture is very influential, especially when they start throwing the word "health" around!

However, let's just say for argument's sake that both types of abdominal fat do put our bodies at risk.

What can be done about it that will be sustainable and may also help to reduce certain health risks?

• Stop dieting and restricting to avoid bingeing

• Embrace and learn to Integrate gentle nutrition (principle 10) into your daily life (if you're at that stage or your recovery)

• Focus on food satisfaction and honoring your hunger/fullness as often as you can

• Get support to navigate any emotional barriers you have to exercise so you can intuitively increase your cardiovascular and aerobic exercise

• Discover ways to improve your sleep if this is an issue for you (i.e. get a CPAP, try meditation, create a sleep routine, etc.)

• Focus on improving your mental health, especially as it relates to anxiety and stress

Notice how I never mentioned losing weight? That's because even with the possibility that abdominal fat increases the risk of certain illnesses, dieting is STILL not the solution. In fact, dieting may even increase abdominal fat. And, research indicates that dieting increases stress-causing elevated cortisol levels negatively affecting the body, including increased abdominal fat.

The solution is to continue working toward body acceptance and spend your time and energy creating more nourishing and compassionate self-care habits. That's what will likely improve your physical and emotional health in the long-run but dieting won't.

Struggling with this?
Schedule some time with me so we can have a conversation and you can finally stop worrying! You don't have to do this alone. Getting this sorted out will make a substantial difference in your life.