3 Questions to Ask When Struggling to Accept Your Body

Body acceptance doesn't come easy, especially for midlife women! ⁣After all, midlife women are often faced with divorce, an empty nest, peri/menopause, retirement, caring for aging parents, losing friends and family members, etc. Can you relate? 
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Listening to podcasts, calling a trusted friend, journaling, and connecting online in body-positive spaces can all be helpful strategies but they aren't always available or appealing to us in moments of discomfort. 

When negative thoughts surface about our bodies we need to be intentional about how we respond to them. One way to do this is with self-inquiry.

Self-inquiry helps to create a pause so we can begin exploring what may be going on beneath the "I feel ___________ (fat, old, lazy, washed up, etc.)." language. Self-inquiry also helps us to understand our experiences in new ways, develop new behaviors, and possibly recognize our blind spots. ⁣

Inquiry is a tool I often use during coaching sessions to help my clients gently excavate unhelpful beliefs that are keeping them from moving forward. In fact, some of the biggest "a-ha" moments my clients experience happen when I ask thought-provoking questions like some of the ones I'm sharing with you.

The great news about self-inquiry is that it's available to us all the time. 

The next time you are struggling with body acceptance, consider asking yourself one or a few of these questions and see what happens. I have a lot more questions (and some come to me at the moment) that I use but these will give you some idea of what I'm talking about so you can get started. Of course, it's best when these questions are asked in a compassionate, curious manner instead of with a judgy or condemning voice. 

What criteria are you evaluating yourself against?
What meaning are you attaching to your size/weight/age?
Since you cannot control your body, what else can you control that is within your reach? 

I use self-inquiry often and it works wonders for me! If you are already using self-inquiry but you are still bogged down with frequent negative thoughts about your body, aging, movement for mobility, etc. schedule time with me. This journey wasn't meant to be done alone. Support may be the missing piece you need to get over the hump.  

Navigating “Comparisonitis” to Meet Our Bodies Where They Are

Do you ever compare your previous body to your current body?

That's what I found myself doing earlier this week when I saw the picture in my Facebook feed. My body has changed since this picture was taken in 2013. At that time, I was an avid cyclist, Spin class “junkie” and smoothie drinking vegetarian. I didn’t realize at the time that I was likely orthorexic (obsession about eating “unhealthy” foods) but that’s a story for another time. ⁣
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To be honest, for a moment I lamented that I’m not as thin or as physically fit as I was at that time, but it was truly momentary. ⁣I knew that was diet culture talking.
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While I may not be at the same fitness level or weight I was then, I’m now moving my body for different reasons and I still feel great doing it. I'm also way more grateful for all that my body is able to do.

During my recovery, I've learned that if I allowed myself to get stuck in "comparisonitis" by focusing on how my body used to be, it could easily lead to depression and INACTIVITY. ⁣Over the years, I’ve heard many of my clients say that they don’t like exercise because they cannot do X anymore because of an injury, they're "too lazy", or because of their own internalized weight stigma.

When we gently explore more, they begin to see that the comparisonitis is often about perfectionism to do movement in a certain way, fear that they will start and quit, and self-sabotage because they create unrealistic demands setting themselves up for failure. ⁣

I assure you, it can be different though. Like most aspects of recovery, creating something different requires that beliefs be rewritten. This rewriting clears the emotional cobwebs and "shoulds" making room for a new and improved relationship with movement allowing them to meet their bodies where they're at now, instead of where they were 5, 10, or 15 years ago. I've experienced this personally and seen it with my courageous clients!

Imagine how your life could improve if you met your body where it's at now?

Interested in movement but not sure where to begin? My Joyful Movement at Last! program creates the space for you to recreate a healthy relationship with movement wherever your body is now. It also offers support in a dedicated Facebook group. Join us!

Celebrate JLo and Shakira but Not Because of Their Bodies

Photo credit: Entertainment Weekly

Even if you didn't watch the Super Bowl last night, it would be hard not to see or hear all about the half-time show featuring the talented JLo and Shakira. As a fellow Latina woman who grew up at a time when being Latina was not something anyone talked about in my suburban, predominately white neighborhood, seeing these women at the top of the game was thrilling and inspiring for me! 

Moving on...
As expected, there is lots of talk about how "good" their bodies look, their age and their costumes. For a fresh perspective, I want to shift the narrative and talk about this instead.

⭐JLo and Shakira are two midlife women who are living out their dreams proving that midlife women don't need to blend into the background just because they reach a certain age. This is inspiring to young girls and women (and non-binary folks too) of all ages to see. ⁣⁣
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⭐They are both gifted performers who are sharing their gifts with the world reminding us that it's never too late to dream or to see our dreams come true. 
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⭐It’s refreshing to see women who work hard and get ahead in this world, especially in a male dominated field like the music industry. ⁣Again, reflecting back to us that hard work and dedication can be rewarded to any of us. 
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⭐Women of any age are allowed to wear whatever they please. ⁣I love that both women wore provocative clothing that many wouldn’t dare wear at their age bucking the idea that only certain types of clothing are permissible for older women to wear.
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⭐While it appears that they are in excellent physical condition (cardio), we’ve no idea what they’ve had to endure to remain “smaller” and "fitter". Let's not forget that Beyonce had confessed adhering to an extremely restrictive and disordered diet when she was preparing for her Coachella concert in 2019⁣. Just because our culture normalizes disordered eating, that doesn't make it normal! 

What diet culture tells us...
⁣⁣Diet culture would like us to believe that woman at any age can be thin and have a shape like JLo or Shakira if they just tried hard enough. This simply isn't true. ⁣⁣Research indicates that weight is very complicated and many factors influence a person's weight, shape and size. Even if it were true, it often comes at a high emotional and physical cost. 
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Many diet culture victims preach that these women look amazing "for their age" and that we should all aspire to look like that. I'm not surprised so many feel this way because diet culture is pervasive and omnipresent. And, of course, many do wish to look this way because it would be much easier considering our culture puts so much value on thinner, smaller, fitter bodies. 
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The truth is...
As radical diet culture dropouts, we know that (or are re-learning) that all bodies are worthy at any age, weight, shape and ability level.⁣ We don’t have to feel badly that we don’t look like, dance like or dress like these women.

We’re learning that there is more to a woman’s beauty than just her outsides. ⁣⁣So, give yourself permission to wear what's comfortable on your body and what makes you feel confident and strong! 
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We are of value simply because we were created. The true value of a woman (or any other human) is and never will be defined by her appearance, her talents or anything else. ⁣⁣
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Do not allow any of this to derail your recovery.

Join the discussion in the No-Diet Sisterhood on Facebook. 

10 Tips to Manage Anxiety About Weight Gain

Whenever anyone quits dieting (defined as intentional attempts to control weight and size) and decides to practice intuitive eating, their body and mind go a through significant transition. While it is often a relief that they no longer have to follow strict rules around food and movement, removing them can be anxiety producing for a variety of reasons. Many will wonder, “What is going to happen to my body now?” or “Won’t I just keep gaining weight if I do not have any rules in place?”. The truth is that no one can answer these questions with certainty because each body may respond differently based on its dieting history, current health status, genetics, medications, socioeconomic status, etc.  We do know with certainty that one of three outcomes may happen: Weight remains the same, weight loss, or weight gain.

While the focus of intuitive eating, which is a practice that teaches ex-dieters and previous food restricters to tune-in to their bodies innate cues related to hunger, fullness and food satisfaction, among other things, is not to focus on weight loss but instead improving ones relationship with food, sometimes weight gain does occur as part of the recovery process.

I will stress that if you are one of the people who gained weight while practicing intuitive eating, it does not mean that there is something wrong with you or with your intuitive eating practice.

Understanding that weight gain is sometimes the body’s response to periods (sometimes decades) of restriction is important. Continuing to practice intuitive eating is the best course of action even though the weight gain may be uncomfortable both emotionally and physically. After all, we cannot ignore the fact that weight stigma is real and can have profound negative effects on our overall health.

To help my clients, and others who ask me, manage the discomfort from weight gain, I offer them the following suggestions.

1. Cultivate self-compassion – While this is often the furthest thing from most people’s minds during life’s ups and downs, it is often what is needed most of all. The first step to being more self-compassionate is acknowledging the discomfort. So, take time to lean into the discomfort even though that may seem challenging some days. Acknowledge that anyone who breaks up with dieting and no longer allows the unattainable nonsense of diet culture to ruin their lives, undergoes a period of transition, so you are not alone. Be kind to your body as it gets used to this new way of living knowing that the transition is temporary but well worth it.

2. Trust – Realize that during this transition, you are learning to trust your body again and your body is learning to trust you. One of the many things that dieting and/or food restriction does is strip away that trust. When we practice intuitive eating, we are re-learning how to listen to our body instead of following external rules and self-imposed restrictions. On the flip side, our bodies are learning to trust that they will continue to be honored and cared for by consistently getting enough of the foods that nourish and satisfy them. Rebuilding this trust takes time and patience, but it will happen.

3. Know there is an end in sight – While it may seem like the weight gain will never end, believe and trust that it will. Understand that the body is sorting itself out by trying to find its ideal weight. It will draw a line and you will need to do your best to trust that your body can and will to do that. Caring for yourself by taking time to educate yourself about the mechanics of weight science can be very helpful and empowering. A great resource for this is the book Body Respect by Linda Bacon and Lucy Aphramor.

4. Rethink your old beliefs - Challenge the mechanical thinking and belief that weight is as simple as calories in vs. calories out. Unlike what we are told by commercial weight loss programs, TV, and social media ads, weight science is very complex, and many things may impact a person’s weight. The belief that fat and larger bodies are “bad” is the problem, not the weight itself. A paradigm shift is needed for healing not another diet.   

5. Dump the scale – Do not step on the scale because that disrupts months of progress and may even lead you back to restrictive eating again. For those who have used a scale to control their food intake or assess their self-value based on their weight, stepping on the scale can be even more detrimental to them.

6. Reduce body checking – Do not get caught up in obsessive mirror gazing, clothes checking, feeling for bones, etc. as that is detrimental to progress also. When the urge to body check surfaces, think of an affirming statement to get yourself back on track like, “May I trust that my weight is working itself out and doing its best to take care of me.” or “May I be kind to my body as it transitions and heals.”

7. Practice patience – Remind yourself often that normalizing food and eating behaviors after years of dieting takes time and patience. There is no shortcut around this. Just keep noticing your shifting beliefs and observe them non-judgmentally.

8. Keep your dieting memory green – Remember why you broke up with dieting in the first place. Make a list of the consequences you suffered as a result of dieting and make it accessible so you can re-read it often. The Intuitive Eating Workbook has some great exercises related to this that I recommend doing.

9. Let go of the illusion – Let go of the illusion that you can control your weight long-term. Yes, while dieting you probably lost weight (most did this repeatedly), your long-term experience maintaining the weight was fleeting. Understanding that continued attempts to lose weight will do more harm than good because they will just put you back into the restrict/binge cycle.

10. Mourn what was – Acknowledge that you may feel grief about the changes your body is experiencing. Make room for this grief while doing your best not to judge yourself for it. Repeatedly make room for the grief because it will continue to resurface from time-to-time. This is not easy when diet culture continually reinforces that smaller bodies are better, healthier and more attractive. Be aware of who is gaining financially when you are feeling negatively about yourself and your body. Understand that while it is natural to feel pressured by the demands of diet culture, continuing to practice intuitive eating and learning more about how manipulative diet culture can be will eventually help you to feel more confident, satisfied and joyful in your body. This will finally allow you to live your life to the fullest without the constant preoccupation with food and body dissatisfaction.

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If you're tired of battling with your weight, fed up with the cycle of yo-yo dieting, and yearning to be free from your obsessive thinking about food and your body, schedule your complimentary Embrace Anti-Diet Living Connection Session.

We’ll get clear on where you are now, what you want instead, and what might be getting in the way of your success.

I’ll also share some powerful recommendations and resources to get you started on creating a peaceful relationship with your body and food.