Motivation Comes from Action

If you're not moving your body consistently because you "have no motivation", this message is for you! 

If this is you, please know that you're not alone because many folks aren't motivated to move their bodies consistently. This isn't because there's anything wrong with them.

Inaction is often a sign of overwhelm, exhaustion, perfectionism, etc. which are common signs of a relationship with movement that could use some attention.

But, I'm going to let you in on a little secret that may be another reason for inaction. 

Movement isn't fueled by motivation.

Movement is fueled by action. 

I realize this may seem obvious, but trust me, it's not.

Even though I have a solid relationship with movement, there are days when I feel my body wants to move but I don't feel motivated.

On those days, I intuitively assess what my body may need and make a deal with myself to just start moving and see how it goes. 

99% of the time once I start moving my body, and then something ignites inside of me.

That something is motivation. 

Mobility is a priority for me as I age. 

It is for 100% of my private movement clients and for the members of my Joyful Movement at Last program too. 

Ready to fast-track your body image recovery? Tap the Let’s Connect button below to schedule your free 20-minute connection call.

You don't have to do this alone.

What If Weight Loss Was the Answer?

Let's pretend for a moment. 

What if losing weight was the answer to

• Reversing, preventing, or maintaining a medical condition? 

• Making you feel 'better' (a.k.a. sexier, more attractive, more worthy or 'enough', etc.)

While it may be true that weight loss may help with medical conditions the problem is and always will be that intentional weight loss is not a permanent solution. 

So while many 'health' gurus argue that diets do work (often called 'lifestyle plans', etc.) because there is often weight loss when there is calorie restriction or extreme exercising, for most, these solutions aren't sustainable long-term.

For all of you who are saying something like...

I just think I look better and feel sexier when I'm thinner.

Feeling sexier or more 'attractive' is completely subjective. Feeling sexy or attractive is based on our thoughts about our bodies not on our feelings. Thoughts create feelings, not the other way around. So, if you can change your thoughts, your feelings will eventually catch up. 

Lastly, hingeing our size, weight, age, bank account, etc. to validate our worth is a losing battle because we'll always be trying to hit a moving target. Our self-worth is unconditional. 

I know that many of you may understand this logically but still struggle to reconcile this in your hearts. 

If this is you, I see you and want you to know that it's natural to feel this way because our culture values physical appearance more than most things. This is especially true for women. 

In the end, the answer is body acceptance, cultivating a radical self-compassion practice, and making more frequent deposits in our self-worth banks to name a few things. 

Ready to fast-track your body image recovery? Tap the Let’s Connect button below to schedule your free 20-minute connection call.

You don't have to do this alone.

Top 5 Reasons Practicing Self-Compassion Is So Hard for Ex-Dieters

Healing body, food, and movement relationships are nuanced. However, one of the things that I can honestly say all my clients struggle to embrace is self-compassion. 

Renowned self-compassion researcher, Dr. Kristin Neff, defines self-compassion as the act of turning compassion inward. Compassion is the ability we all have to show empathy, love, and concern to those who may be experiencing difficulties. Many of us are compassionate toward others but struggle to do this consistently with ourselves.

For many, practicing self-compassion is like learning a new language. It's hard, clunky, and doesn't come naturally. I know I felt that way when I first started to develop my self-compassion practice! 

Cultivating a self-compassion practice is essential for healing because it helps us meet ourselves where we are without judgment. This journey has many ups and downs and without kindness, empathy, and forgiveness it would be nearly impossible to experience the many benefits of healing. 

Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion allows us to be kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings. So when we repeatedly eat past fullness, aren't engaging in consistent movement even though we know our bodies crave it, and aren't making self-care a priority, we can give ourselves support and encouragement rather than being unkind and judgmental. 

Over the years many clients have shared why they struggle with self-compassion. I'm sharing some of these reasons here.

1. Blame game - Even though many have read the books, listened to well-known anti-diet podcasts, and been at this for a while, they still blame themselves for their bodies changing, especially if they have gained weight since they quit dieting.

2. Modeling - Self-compassion wasn't modeled for them when they were growing up so practicing it doesn't come naturally to them. While self-compassion isn't something new, there wasn't as much emphasis on it in years past. If you're over 50, I'm sure you'd agree that 'tough love' was a more popular approach in our formative years.

3. Fear - Many fear that if they're 'too' self-compassionate they'll become 'lazy', self-indulgent, undisciplined, and unproductive. They’re afraid if they’re too soft on themselves, they’ll let themselves get away with anything. If you live in the U.S. you know that our country is obsessed with 'producing' and 'to-do' lists so stepping away from this model is not easy. This can be especially challenging for those who tie their self-worth to their to-do lists too!

4. Resistance - Studies show that there is often resistance to learning new things, especially when it benefits our personal growth. That's because the subconscious mind is very powerful and when we attempt to break up its normal patterns, there will be pushback!

5. Conditioning - Many are still conditioned to believe they should be 'strong' and maintain a “stiff upper lip” mentality even when they are in pain or experiencing discomfort. This is especially true for women who don't want to be accused of being 'high maintenance' or 'too much'.

Research undeniably shows that self-compassion enhances motivation, decreases depression and anxiety, decreases fear of failure, and encourages people to set personal goals because they know when they make mistakes they'll be met with kindness rather than criticism.

Now can you see how important self-compassion can be in this journey? 

You may be saying, "Yeah, that's all fine and good but it's still hard to practice it!" 

If that sounds like you, I'm not disagreeing with you! I KNOW it's not easy, however, it is still possible. Most if not all of my clients never imagined they'd be able to stop/diminish their habitual self-criticism but after coaching they were able to confidently begin dismantling their blame, fear, resistance, and conditioning to create new lives for themselves. It is truly amazing what happens when we are given a non-judgmental space to share and safely rebuild our beliefs. 

Do you struggle with self-compassion? If you do, know that you're not alone and you don't have to do this alone. 

What To Do When the Temptation to Diet Gets Strong

Let’s be honest. There may be days when the desire to return to dieting will be strong. That’s not because you’re doing anything wrong. It’s because unattainable cultural norms around body size, shape, weight, the aging process, etc. often leave us believing that we're lacking in some way.

It's not just the cultural norms that make us feel this way about our bodies either. The reality is that body image is not constant and often wavers based on external factors like your social media consumption/literacy, hunger, sleep, stress, career, loneliness, etc. so it’s natural that the temptation to diet may return on occasion.

Oftentimes the slightest things can impact how we feel about our bodies. For example, stepping on a scale at the doctor's office (which you're not obligated to do but may feel guilted to do), a change in blood work, or clothes shopping can trigger a tailspin of emotions including body shame. 

And even though we now have access to many resources like podcasts, coaching, and body-positive content creators on social media to help shift our mindsets about these things, we all still get 'stuck in the suck' sometimes. This is natural so I think we all need to practice managing our expectations around this to help minimize shame spiraling. 

One thing I often help my clients do when they're stuck in the suck is to remember and reflect on their 'why'. 

So, when they're believing that being in a smaller, thinner, fitter, younger, etc. body is going to solve all their problems, we'll do some somatic work together (like hand over heart and belly, followed by some deep breaths) to help calm their nervous system. 

Once they've come back to their body, I ask them to reflect on why they left dieting behind (my definition of dieting is: prioritizing your food choices and food quantities based on your size, shape, and weight instead of your body's physical and emotional needs) I may ask questions like:

What was your life like when you were dieting?
How did dieting make you feel?
How is your life different now that you're not chasing a number all the time? 
What has giving up the thin ideal given you back? 

If you are just starting out in your journey or feel guilty that you've been at this for some time but still get these urges often, please know that I'm not surprised because diet culture messaging is seductive! 

If your self-care stores are low, your health is waning, you're in midlife, your pants are feeling tighter, or you're feeling vulnerable for any reason, you could easily be tempted to believe that your body, weight or age, etc. is the problem making dieting seem even more enticing. 

Keeping these dieting memories green will help you circle back to the reality that dieting has an approximate long-term success rate of only 5%. That means that approximately 95% of the time, the weight will be regained which studies show may lead to more serious health concerns, increase body dissatisfaction, and increase mental health issues. 

Please remember that while the way we feel about our bodies may naturally vacillate, our worth is constant. 

Your Body Isn't the Problem, but Here's What Is

One of the most common struggles my clients and the women I support on social media have is the fear of weight gain. So, if this is you, you're not alone. 

It makes perfect sense that so many are afraid of weight gain. I want to be clear that fear of weight gain can happen to people of any size. If you're in a smaller body you likely want to stay that way and if you're in a larger body, you may even fear it more. 

Some reasons why this is a common concern (this list is not exhaustive):

• People in larger bodies are pathologized and seen as a problem to be "fixed". 

• Weight gain, even when done for medical reasons like weight restoration, is usually noticed and is often a popular topic of conversation because our culture is obsessed with body size!

• Clothing options in terms of sizes, styles, and availability often become more limited.

• Fight travel is often a challenge and may be more expensive.

• Finding a weight-neutral or HAES practitioner isn't easy so weight stigma is rampant.

• People make automatic assumptions about people in larger bodies, especially in terms of fitness levels, overall health, love life, etc. 

• Fitting in (literally and figuratively) challenges our sense of belonging which is a basic human need. 

The truth is while all these concerns are 100% valid, there is still nothing wrong with your body as it is right now. 

Here's what IS wrong:

• That our culture discriminates against certain body sizes, especially aging bodies! 

• Our societal beliefs that there is one acceptable way to have a body and that they aren't supposed to change are rooted in a cascade of oppressive societal norms like patriarchy and racism. 

• That there is a magical formula to manifest the desired weight, size, and shape and that if we just tried hard enough, we'd have it. 

• That punitive behaviors like food restriction, compulsive exercise, and beating ourselves up for the sake of maintaining weight or looking a certain way regardless of the negative health outcomes are celebrated instead of questioned.

Here's what can be done to navigate this to experience peace:

• Understand that the diet and beauty industries are billion-dollar non-stop machines whose sole purpose is to make us feel like 'less than' or 'not enough' so we'll keep investing in them instead of in our true selves. 

• Stay rooted in your WHY. Remember why you left dieting (a.k.a undereating) behind in the first place and all the challenges associated with it. 

• Take time to reflect on the many gifts that food freedom and body liberation offer you daily. If you're a newbie, wait for it because you'll start feeling it soon enough. 

• Continue to do a cost/benefit analysis. Ask yourself what is the emotional and physical cost of going back to restrictive behaviors vs. what are the benefits of staying on the freedom trail. 

• If you are managing a chronic illness or are fearful about your long-term health due to your weight, remember that correlation doesn't prove causation. Research has shown over and over again that consistent self-care practices including gentle nutrition, movement, stress management, sleep, the way you define 'success', tending to mental health, etc. often have profound positive effects on our long-term health regardless of weight. 

• Learn how to feel the feelings of discomfort that often drive people back to restrictive behaviors. When we learn to feel, we slowly begin to neutralize these overwhelming feelings that something is wrong with our bodies.

That's why getting support from those specifically trained in this work, being part of body-positive communities, and continuing to lean into the discomfort is important. 

The truth is, you're on the right path and just because it may not always feel that way, those doubtful feelings will pass. As I often say, keep your eye on the prize which is FREEDOM and SUSTAINABILITY. 

Remember, you don't have to do this alone. Support makes all the difference!

Measuring Progress without the Scale

The other day, I was asked how I measure my client’s progress without using the scale. I thought this was such a great question, especially for anyone who is considering practicing Intuitive Eating. The truth is, unlike dieting, with Intuitive Eating, progress isn’t measured by numbers (although metabolic health ranges may improve as a byproduct of better self-care). In fact, focusing on numbers like weight, inches lost/added or number of times eaten hinders the healing process. If you’re struggling in your relationship with food and have decided to start practicing Intuitive Eating, there are several indicators that show your progress without ever stepping on a scale, counting a calorie, ‘point’ or measuring your waist!

1. Hunger/fullness — You’re allowing yourself to unconditionally eat (mostly when hungry, but sometimes just because you want to) and not just basing your meals/snacks on the time of day and/or the number of hours between meals/snacks. Also, you’re becoming more aware when you’re feeling full and are usually able to stop eating based on these signals.

2. Reduced stress/anxiety — You enjoy your food with a noticeable difference in how you feel when you’re preparing it, eating it, and feeling after eating it. In the past, certain foods may have left you wanting more and possibly even obsessing over them but when you’ve begun to make peace with food, that stress around food often dissipates. This certainly doesn’t happen overnight, but eventually, white knuckling around food will be a faint memory.

3. Digestion matters — Many who consistently eat foods that don’t agree with their digestive systems are often not tuned in to how certain foods or combinations of foods make them feel. Becoming aware of this is a huge part of the Intuitive Eating process. For some, becoming more observant about their food choices and/or food combinations is important. This may be difficult in the initial stages of Intuitive Eating, but over time, it usually becomes easier to discern this. Supplements may also be needed to help with this.

4. More variety — For those who have religiously restricted foods high in calories, fat, or carbs often limit the types of foods they’ll eat. They do this because they fear they’ll go ‘overboard’ and not be able to stop eating once they start. They are often terrified of weight gain. This is very common and can sometimes keep people in a rut with their food and often stagnates or prevents healing. Being open to and then noticing that you’re allowing a variety of foods in your diet and that you eat these foods without (or with reduced) anxiety or fear is huge growth!

5. Stop labeling and judging– You’ve stopped labeling food as “good” vs. “bad” or “healthy” vs. “unhealthy”. Labels like these create a lot of guilt around food choices and, over time, chip away at self-esteem. Labeling foods also causes us to have a moral attachment to foods. This attachment makes it impossible to notice the satisfaction level of the food and how you’ll feel physically and emotionally after eating it. Without this knowledge, foods will continue to be seen from the standpoint of calories, fat grams, carbs, etc. which is still dieting. Once you’re able to get past your judgments about food, the food choices usually become more nutritionally balanced.

6. Less preoccupation — Instead of being consistently preoccupied over what to eat, how much to eat, when to eat it, etc. you can simply be mindful and enjoy what you’re eating! While it’s certainly acceptable to give thought to food and the enjoyment of it, doing so in an unbalanced/obsessive manner isn’t healthy. When the food obsession diminishes, there is more time to enjoy life!

7. Move for fun, not punishment — It’s amazing what happens when the focal point of the exercise isn’t on the number of calories burned, but on how the movement makes your body feel. When your criteria for choosing movement is based on how it makes you feel rather than on the number of calories that will be burned or the number of steps you walked, you can choose movement that you’ll enjoy and likely do consistently. Engaging in consistent movement is important for metabolic health (blood pressure, blood cholesterol, sugar), managing stress, bone health, and emotional wellbeing.

8. Stop food extremes — You know you’re well on your way to food freedom once you’ve stopped going to food extremes like forbidding refined sugar, carbs, fats or high-calorie foods. When you’ve gotten to a place where you recognize that all foods can be enjoyed in moderation (which is different for everyone) and without all the guilt, this is a great sign! Once you’ve begun to see that all foods (barring a food allergy or sensitivity) can be enjoyed without the sky falling or the nasty food police always judging every morsel of food that crosses your lips, you’re on your way to achieving food freedom!

So, the next time you’re wondering if your Intuitive Eating efforts are “paying off”, I hope you’ll consider these non-numeric benchmarks. Remember, being an Intuitive Eater is not about being “perfect” around food. In fact, it’s just the opposite. Intuitive Eating is about allowing ourselves to be more flexible around food while allowing our bodies to guide us. When we’re ‘tuned in’ to what our bodies need instead of focusing on numbers, food freedom and body acceptance are possible!

Are you ready to ditch dieting and try Intuitive Eating instead? If so, good for you! Join us in The No-Diet Sisterhood group on Facebook where we talk about Intuitive Eating and body acceptance all day long!

P.S. Coaching is the perfect space to explore any eating and body image struggles you may be grappling with. Click the button below if you’d like to schedule a free 20-minute connection session with me to see if coaching is a good fit for you.