Reframing Self-Judgments Around COVID Weight Gain

Photo by Drop the Label Movement on Unsplash

As I mentioned in last week's message, as we return to "normalcy" let's all remember that it's natural to be a little anxious if we haven't done something for a while. I'm sure many of you have seen the harmful memes, heard jokes/commentary on TV, radio, social media, etc. about COVID weight gain. Even with the most pristine newsfeed and careful curating of friends, etc., this kind of talk is hard to escape.

What's worse, is that because our culture is so obsessed with weight and sees weight gain as something "bad", feeling neutral can be challenging even if you've been traveling in the non-diet circles for a while. 

In full transparency, I know that I likely gained weight during this pandemic. It's possible that my weight just shifted because I wasn't doing as much cardio as my body is used to, but nonetheless, my body is different. I'm honestly not upset about this, but I also acknowledge that I'm not in a larger body so I do carry some privilege. 

We cannot hear this enough; it's been a tough year. While we can say that, I'm not sure that we all take the time to reflect on exactly how this translates in terms of our eating, movement, and body image. Albeit sometimes painful, reflection can help us to process what has happened and, in this case, hopefully, reduce the sense of blame that so many are feeling around any possible weight gain. As a reminder, we never need an excuse, nor do we need to feel bad about weight gain despite what our culture tells us.

This is a brief summary of the profound and unwelcome changes that happened this year. While I realize that not everyone may have experienced these things personally, even those of us who didn't experience all these things still heard or read about them on the news or had someone close or at a distance who experienced them and that is very draining too. I know this is especially true for those of us who are more empathic. Here goes:

• Reporting to work in unsafe and unsupportive environments

• Homeschooling children or grandchildren while managing their own work schedule

• Job loss or a reduction in hours

• Social lives halted including major celebrations like births, weddings, graduations, etc.

• Inability to mourn those who have passed with proper wakes and burials

• No in-person religious services (at least for a long period of time)

• Fear over the loss of loved ones or fear of loved ones contracting COVID

• Loss or difficulty in accessing coping mechanisms and hobbies that support your mental health (i.e. gym, movies, restaurants, museums, etc.)

• Profound social unrest in our country, especially in the LGBTQ+ and BIPOC communities

• Political strife and a national election that rocked our nation

I don't know about you, but when I read this list and reflect on each bullet point, I feel it in my body and... 

I remember the fear.
I remember the worry. 
I remember the loss. 

However, I also feel...
Gratitude
Relief
Hope

While my objective is not to tell you how to feel, I do hope that my words helped to reframe this year so that if you've gained weight, you can take the focus off that, and instead think about what your body has endured this past year. 

That is how we can shift into gratitude that we're still on earth, have relief that we're nearing the end of it while having hope for what lies ahead. 

You don’t need to feel bad about your body, your weight, age, etc. The world needs you as you are! Need some support help with this? Click the button below to see how some coaching tools can help ease your journey.

How to Say “No” to Food without Feeling Restricted

While eating past fullness is part of what Ellyn Satter describes as "normal eating", doing it on the regular can be very physically and sometimes emotionally uncomfortable.

If you're new to intuitive eating and are still figuring out your hunger and fullness cues, recognizing when you're hungry before you're in a state of primal hunger and stopping before you're uncomfortably full is expected to happen. In fact, this is part of the learning process.

If you've been practicing intuitive eating for a while and still find yourself eating past fullness, I want to share the two magical questions you can ask yourself that may help you to second guess your next bite. This is not intended to restrict or control your eating in any way. It is simply to offer you a possible solution to feeling overstuffed and uncomfortable.

These questions have helped my clients so much, so I wanted to share them with you all too. Whether you’re a newbie or a more seasoned intuitive eater, when you are already feeling full but still want to eat more, ask yourself these two questions without judgment:

Will you feel deprived if you don't eat it?

and

Will you regret not eating it?

If you answered yes to either of these questions, it's probably best to eat the food even though you may suffer a little because you know you'll be uncomfortable afterward. If you don't, it's possible that the regret could lead to a binge or overeating more shortly after. This follows the typical restrict binge cycle. 

However, if you answered no to either of these questions, you may want to rethink it and not continue eating. Of course, you may be willing to do this on some days more than others. Know that this is natural and expected. Remember, intuitive eating is not about perfectionism, but about eating flexibly and without judgment.   

Learning to self-regulate when you know you are engaging in behaviors that don't make you feel your best is helpful and healing.

Tuck these questions away somewhere and refer to them as needed. They may come in handy whenever there is an abundance of yummy food available.

Whatever you decide to do is okay. Remember, every eating has the potential to learn something about ourselves and our bodies. So savor while being mindful of the possible lessons.

P.S. Coaching is the perfect space to explore any eating and body image struggles you may be grappling with. Click the button below if you’d like to schedule a free 20-minute connection session with me to see if coaching is a good fit for you.

5 Movement Tips to Help Quiet Diet Mentality Thoughts

I'm sure we'd all agree that it's been a long year! There is great news on the horizon though as more people are receiving the COVID vaccine, flowers (and allergies) are in full bloom, and it's getting warmer outside for most of us.

As we return to "normalcy" let's all remember that it's natural to be a little anxious if we haven't done something for a while. If you are feeling a desire to get back to movement (or anything else), expect that there may be some hesitancy, especially if you've been laying low during the pandemic (which is totally fine).

Some of this hesitancy may also be some diet mentality creeping back in, especially if you've gained weight during the pandemic (which is also totally fine). Remember, diet culture is all about shrinking our bodies to conform to an impossible standard, "fixing" our bodies’ trouble areas, and going outside of our bodies for guidance. As intuitive eaters, we learn that we already have an internal GPS that can guide us. The further we move away from the rigid rules, the more amplified that intuitive voice will become.

Please know that you are not obligated to exercise. However, if you want to but are feeling some resistance, these tips may provide some guidance so you won't overcomplicate or overwhelm yourself.

Pro tip #1
Some movement is better than no movement. As always, rigidity around how much time and what type of movement isn't as important as moving!

Pro tip #2
You have permission to create a movement plan that works for your life and fits into your schedule. Do the best you can to remain flexible.

Pro tip #3
Strengthen your intentions by focusing more on listening to your body instead of meeting your fitness goals.

Pro tip #4
Remember that movement isn't about perfection. Perfectionism causes INACTION.

Pro tip #5
Minimize self-sabotaging behaviors by keeping movement simple and uncomplicated.

Struggling with this? I've often struggled to make movement a priority in my life too. If you want to explore why this may be, download my free quiz What's Getting In Your Way of Exercising with Ease?

Or if you're looking to jump right in to get beneath the procrastinating, overcomplicating and diet mentality thoughts around movement, enroll in my Joyful Movement at Last! program. Community can make all the difference!

How To Set Anti-Diet Holiday Boundaries With Ease

I know many are gearing up for the holidays and maybe excited about seeing family, eating once-a-year dishes that they love, and having time off from work. It can be a fun and exhilarating time of year but it can also be stressful in some ways too because diet talk is often on the rise. It can especially be tough for anyone whose body may have changed since they've last seen family or certain friends.

If you're searching for a tool to help you navigate these exhausting, boring conversations and/or shut down any comments about your body (or anyone else's body), the best way to do that is by establishing healthy boundaries.

First, let's define what a boundary is.

A boundary is a guideline, rule or limit that you create to help others know how to treat you. It tells them what you will or will not accept and may offer consequences when someone doesn't honor them.

Since so many people are in the constant habit of evangelizing about their diets, what foods are "good" vs. "bad", commenting negatively about their bodies, etc., these conversations could negatively affect your recovery, establishing healthy boundaries around these topics is about self-care.

I know from coaching my clients that establishing boundaries isn't easy, especially with family! In full transparency, I sometimes struggle with establishing boundaries in other areas of my life too so I get why it's a struggle. This is big girl panty stuff for sure!!

Picture this typical scenario:
At your holiday dinner table, family and friends are continually talking about how much weight they're expecting to gain from now until January because of all the cookies they've been eating at work, at the hair salon, etc.

You realize you're triggered by this kind of talk and start to feel uneasy. What you could do...

1. Get in touch with what you need and decide if you are willing to speak up.

2. Take a deep breath and set the boundary by asking that we don't talk about diets, weight gain, our bodies while eating because you just want to enjoy your meal. Unfortunately, they don't honor it and you continue to hear food and diet comments at the table. So you...

3. Repeat your boundary but this time say it with a consequence.

So, for example, you could say something like... "I'm very uncomfortable with this conversation. I've asked that we don't speak of these things over dinner and no one listened to me. If it continues, I will have to get up from the family dinner table and eat in the kitchen alone."

If they still don't honor your boundary, move on to step 4.

4. Follow through with the consequence.

Keep in mind that the consequence must be something you're willing to do. So, if you're not willing to leave the table, don't make that your consequence. Be honest and real with yourself and with those you're establishing the boundaries with. If you don't, people will likely not honor them now or in the future.

While some people are very good at reading body language or are naturally intuitive, many, especially around the topic of diet and body image, have no clue how their constant talk and commenting/berating can affect someone. The risk is quite high if you don't speak up for yourself. Plus, wouldn't you want to know if something you were saying or doing was negatively affecting someone else?

To be honest, people may get their feathers ruffled when a boundary is set, but that doesn't mean that doing so is wrong or shouldn't be done. Remember, every time you reinforce a boundary, it gets stronger and so will you!

I do not doubt that you've come far in your diet recovery journey. Give yourself permission to speak up for yourself and curate an environment that will help you continue to thrive and grow!

You deserve to enjoy your holidays (and any other time of year) without incessant diet talk, food policing, and body commenting.

Remember, it's okay if you decide not to set a boundary. However, consider how not doing so may be affecting your relationship with food and body if you don't. Whatever you decide, be compassionate with yourself. Establishing boundaries isn't easy, but it's necessary if we want to have our needs met more often.

If you'd like to talk more about this, join the conversation in my No-Diet Sisterhood Facebook group or drop a comment below.

This love note was inspired by Michelle Elman @ScarredNotScared.

10 Tips to Manage Anxiety About Weight Gain

Whenever anyone quits dieting (defined as intentional attempts to control weight and size) and decides to practice intuitive eating, their body and mind go a through significant transition. While it is often a relief that they no longer have to follow strict rules around food and movement, removing them can be anxiety producing for a variety of reasons. Many will wonder, “What is going to happen to my body now?” or “Won’t I just keep gaining weight if I do not have any rules in place?”. The truth is that no one can answer these questions with certainty because each body may respond differently based on its dieting history, current health status, genetics, medications, socioeconomic status, etc.  We do know with certainty that one of three outcomes may happen: Weight remains the same, weight loss, or weight gain.

While the focus of intuitive eating, which is a practice that teaches ex-dieters and previous food restricters to tune-in to their bodies innate cues related to hunger, fullness and food satisfaction, among other things, is not to focus on weight loss but instead improving ones relationship with food, sometimes weight gain does occur as part of the recovery process.

I will stress that if you are one of the people who gained weight while practicing intuitive eating, it does not mean that there is something wrong with you or with your intuitive eating practice.

Understanding that weight gain is sometimes the body’s response to periods (sometimes decades) of restriction is important. Continuing to practice intuitive eating is the best course of action even though the weight gain may be uncomfortable both emotionally and physically. After all, we cannot ignore the fact that weight stigma is real and can have profound negative effects on our overall health.

To help my clients, and others who ask me, manage the discomfort from weight gain, I offer them the following suggestions.

1. Cultivate self-compassion – While this is often the furthest thing from most people’s minds during life’s ups and downs, it is often what is needed most of all. The first step to being more self-compassionate is acknowledging the discomfort. So, take time to lean into the discomfort even though that may seem challenging some days. Acknowledge that anyone who breaks up with dieting and no longer allows the unattainable nonsense of diet culture to ruin their lives, undergoes a period of transition, so you are not alone. Be kind to your body as it gets used to this new way of living knowing that the transition is temporary but well worth it.

2. Trust – Realize that during this transition, you are learning to trust your body again and your body is learning to trust you. One of the many things that dieting and/or food restriction does is strip away that trust. When we practice intuitive eating, we are re-learning how to listen to our body instead of following external rules and self-imposed restrictions. On the flip side, our bodies are learning to trust that they will continue to be honored and cared for by consistently getting enough of the foods that nourish and satisfy them. Rebuilding this trust takes time and patience, but it will happen.

3. Know there is an end in sight – While it may seem like the weight gain will never end, believe and trust that it will. Understand that the body is sorting itself out by trying to find its ideal weight. It will draw a line and you will need to do your best to trust that your body can and will to do that. Caring for yourself by taking time to educate yourself about the mechanics of weight science can be very helpful and empowering. A great resource for this is the book Body Respect by Linda Bacon and Lucy Aphramor.

4. Rethink your old beliefs - Challenge the mechanical thinking and belief that weight is as simple as calories in vs. calories out. Unlike what we are told by commercial weight loss programs, TV, and social media ads, weight science is very complex, and many things may impact a person’s weight. The belief that fat and larger bodies are “bad” is the problem, not the weight itself. A paradigm shift is needed for healing not another diet.   

5. Dump the scale – Do not step on the scale because that disrupts months of progress and may even lead you back to restrictive eating again. For those who have used a scale to control their food intake or assess their self-value based on their weight, stepping on the scale can be even more detrimental to them.

6. Reduce body checking – Do not get caught up in obsessive mirror gazing, clothes checking, feeling for bones, etc. as that is detrimental to progress also. When the urge to body check surfaces, think of an affirming statement to get yourself back on track like, “May I trust that my weight is working itself out and doing its best to take care of me.” or “May I be kind to my body as it transitions and heals.”

7. Practice patience – Remind yourself often that normalizing food and eating behaviors after years of dieting takes time and patience. There is no shortcut around this. Just keep noticing your shifting beliefs and observe them non-judgmentally.

8. Keep your dieting memory green – Remember why you broke up with dieting in the first place. Make a list of the consequences you suffered as a result of dieting and make it accessible so you can re-read it often. The Intuitive Eating Workbook has some great exercises related to this that I recommend doing.

9. Let go of the illusion – Let go of the illusion that you can control your weight long-term. Yes, while dieting you probably lost weight (most did this repeatedly), your long-term experience maintaining the weight was fleeting. Understanding that continued attempts to lose weight will do more harm than good because they will just put you back into the restrict/binge cycle.

10. Mourn what was – Acknowledge that you may feel grief about the changes your body is experiencing. Make room for this grief while doing your best not to judge yourself for it. Repeatedly make room for the grief because it will continue to resurface from time-to-time. This is not easy when diet culture continually reinforces that smaller bodies are better, healthier and more attractive. Be aware of who is gaining financially when you are feeling negatively about yourself and your body. Understand that while it is natural to feel pressured by the demands of diet culture, continuing to practice intuitive eating and learning more about how manipulative diet culture can be will eventually help you to feel more confident, satisfied and joyful in your body. This will finally allow you to live your life to the fullest without the constant preoccupation with food and body dissatisfaction.

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If you're tired of battling with your weight, fed up with the cycle of yo-yo dieting, and yearning to be free from your obsessive thinking about food and your body, schedule your complimentary Embrace Anti-Diet Living Connection Session.

We’ll get clear on where you are now, what you want instead, and what might be getting in the way of your success.

I’ll also share some powerful recommendations and resources to get you started on creating a peaceful relationship with your body and food.

Will the Calorie Counting Ever End?

One of the questions I often hear from my clients is, “Will the calorie counting ever end?”. Before I continue, I will say that if you were accustomed to counting “points” or macros or any other tallying (like the number of daily starches or fruits, etc.), this blog will help you too.

First, for ex-dieters, counting is a very common behavior, so please know that you’re not alone if you’re still doing this. Second, changing this behavior is definitely possible, but it will take time because it is an automatic mental habit.

Why is it important to change this behavior?

Changing this behavior is important because counting disconnects you from eating intuitively. Intuitive eating is about moving away from reliance on external cues to guide our food choices and instead relying on our body’s internal cues. When you’re counting, it’s very likely influencing your food choices based on the number of X (X=calories, points, macros, etc.) and that will prevent you from listening to your body’s internal cues. This is just another form of deprivation and likely still an attempt to control and/or manipulate your weight. Again, all normal and expected ex-dieting behavior, but not intuitive. Continuing with these behaviors will prolong your suffering and prevent you from healing your relationship with food.

How to stop it?

Simply willing yourself to stop the behavior isn’t enough to stop it. Like using willpower to stay on a diet, it may prevent you from eating _________ for a little while, but it’s not sustainable. The way to stop counting is to continue practicing intuitive eating.

What can you expect during this process?

As you begin to ease into intuitive eating, you’ll likely worry that you’re still counting. In fact, you may even be annoyed or irritated by the constant counting because you know that counting is a dieting tool and you’ve given up dieting! You may even feel shameful about this but there is no need to. Just because you’re now practicing intuitive eating, this doesn’t mean that you’re going to be able to give up old behaviors so quickly. This is a process that takes time, patience and copious amounts of self-compassion.

Manage your expectations by acknowledging that you’ll still make some choices based on this tallying. Take comfort in knowing that the more you start to rely on your body to gauge your eating, such as hunger, fullness, and satisfaction, the more you’ll see that the tallying begins to dissipate. Start to notice how different your body feels both physically and emotionally when you honor it by eating what you truly desire.

Next, you’ll probably still notice the tallying but you won’t make your food choices based on that information. Begin to notice how much more relaxed you’re starting to feel around food as you listen to your body more. Are foods that used to be off limits due to high/low counts no longer seem as intimidating to you now?

Lastly, continue to assess how you feel after you eat. Consider the following questions:

Are you feeling more satisfied with your food choices overall?

Are you feeling less distracted during the day because you’re nourishing your body with the amount and types of food that your body needs to function at its best?

Are you trusting that your body knows what it needs and that by listening to it, you will feel better?

If you’ve answered yes or mostly yes to these questions, my guess is that the tallying has likely become less important to you or has stopped entirely. If it hasn’t, keep flexing your intuitive eating muscles by continuing to tune-in and listen to your body. The stronger your intuitive eating practice gets, the weaker the tallying will be until it eventually drifts off entirely.

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If you're tired of battling with your weight, fed up with the cycle of yo-yo dieting, and yearning to be free from your obsessive thinking about food and your body, schedule your complimentary Embrace Anti-Diet Living Connection Session.

We’ll get clear on where you are now, what you want instead, and what might be getting in the way of your success.

I’ll also share some powerful recommendations and resources to get you started on creating a peaceful relationship with your body and food.