I know many are gearing up for the holidays and maybe excited about seeing family, eating once-a-year dishes that they love, and having time off from work. It can be a fun and exhilarating time of year but it can also be stressful in some ways too because diet talk is often on the rise. It can especially be tough for anyone whose body may have changed since they've last seen family or certain friends.
If you're searching for a tool to help you navigate these exhausting, boring conversations and/or shut down any comments about your body (or anyone else's body), the best way to do that is by establishing healthy boundaries.
First, let's define what a boundary is.
A boundary is a guideline, rule or limit that you create to help others know how to treat you. It tells them what you will or will not accept and may offer consequences when someone doesn't honor them.
Since so many people are in the constant habit of evangelizing about their diets, what foods are "good" vs. "bad", commenting negatively about their bodies, etc., these conversations could negatively affect your recovery, establishing healthy boundaries around these topics is about self-care.
I know from coaching my clients that establishing boundaries isn't easy, especially with family! In full transparency, I sometimes struggle with establishing boundaries in other areas of my life too so I get why it's a struggle. This is big girl panty stuff for sure!!
Picture this typical scenario:
At your holiday dinner table, family and friends are continually talking about how much weight they're expecting to gain from now until January because of all the cookies they've been eating at work, at the hair salon, etc.
You realize you're triggered by this kind of talk and start to feel uneasy. What you could do...
1. Get in touch with what you need and decide if you are willing to speak up.
2. Take a deep breath and set the boundary by asking that we don't talk about diets, weight gain, our bodies while eating because you just want to enjoy your meal. Unfortunately, they don't honor it and you continue to hear food and diet comments at the table. So you...
3. Repeat your boundary but this time say it with a consequence.
So, for example, you could say something like... "I'm very uncomfortable with this conversation. I've asked that we don't speak of these things over dinner and no one listened to me. If it continues, I will have to get up from the family dinner table and eat in the kitchen alone."
If they still don't honor your boundary, move on to step 4.
4. Follow through with the consequence.
Keep in mind that the consequence must be something you're willing to do. So, if you're not willing to leave the table, don't make that your consequence. Be honest and real with yourself and with those you're establishing the boundaries with. If you don't, people will likely not honor them now or in the future.
While some people are very good at reading body language or are naturally intuitive, many, especially around the topic of diet and body image, have no clue how their constant talk and commenting/berating can affect someone. The risk is quite high if you don't speak up for yourself. Plus, wouldn't you want to know if something you were saying or doing was negatively affecting someone else?
To be honest, people may get their feathers ruffled when a boundary is set, but that doesn't mean that doing so is wrong or shouldn't be done. Remember, every time you reinforce a boundary, it gets stronger and so will you!
I do not doubt that you've come far in your diet recovery journey. Give yourself permission to speak up for yourself and curate an environment that will help you continue to thrive and grow!
You deserve to enjoy your holidays (and any other time of year) without incessant diet talk, food policing, and body commenting.
Remember, it's okay if you decide not to set a boundary. However, consider how not doing so may be affecting your relationship with food and body if you don't. Whatever you decide, be compassionate with yourself. Establishing boundaries isn't easy, but it's necessary if we want to have our needs met more often.
If you'd like to talk more about this, join the conversation in my No-Diet Sisterhood Facebook group or drop a comment below.
This love note was inspired by Michelle Elman @ScarredNotScared.