8 Tips to Help Manage Emotional Fatigue During Tumultuous Times

f you're anything like me, you've felt like you've been on an emotional roller coaster since March. Let's break this down for a minute. First it was COVID-19 and all that came along with that. Now it's the justifiable protests over the George Floyd murder. And, if all of that isn't enough, we are all starting to come out of our 10 week-ish hibernation from the horrific COVID-19. Wow, right?! 

Would you agree that there is a lot going on right now?

For the first time in many weeks, I woke up on Monday morning feeling emotionally depleted. 

When I reflected on my week, I realized that I was putting more effort into my reflection work, learning and researching than I was into my self-care. I now see that if I want to feel better and remain sane, something has to change. In an effort to right the wrongs in the world, I was trying to consume lots of information in a short period of time. I was reminded that this isn't a race but a marathon with no official finish line. 

This applies to our intuitive eating practices too! If we remain open and honest with ourselves, we can always be in a place of learning. As we grow and age, we will always have new things to explore about our bodies and about our eating practices because growth and age change us, and they are supposed to. Staying open to this concept is what makes acceptance possible. 

Now more than ever self-care must take a front seat. As @glowmaven said so well, "Self-care is critical to restore ourselves and to move past survival mode and into thrive mode." As humans, there is a lot coming at all of us all the time! The way to shield ourselves from it so we don't feel depleted is to ensure our self-care "batteries" are continually being charged. I'm sharing a few tips to help make this easier:

1. Create boundaries around social media and the news 
   If you're one who is easily sucked into the social media vortex (which I am guilty of sometimes!), literally set up time parameters around it. To help with this, set timers on your cell phone that cue you to get off Facebook or _________ (insert social media or news cast here) once the timer goes off. And no snoozing the alarm! If you have a timer on your oven or a standalone timer, you can set that timer for X number of minutes. I like this idea because it forces you to get out of your seat to turn it off! 
    

2. Keep asking your body what it needs
   This is always imperative to thriving with your intuitive eating practice and with your body image work. It's not possible to improve your relationship with food or with your body if you don't know what it needs So, if you need to set timers on your phone to remind yourself to do a quick body scan to check in with yourself, do it. Over time, this will become more organic so you may not need the reminders so much or at all going forward.
    

3. Lean into the emotional discomfort with more self-compassion
   In regard to the #BLM movement, many of us are realizing that things that we've been doing or saying have possibly been hurting others. Heck, as a Brown, middle-aged woman who has been active in social justice circles (and this work is social justice minded) for a while now, I still have and always will have biases which are normal and part of the human condition. Guess what, you do too. This is hard to swallow but it's necessary in order to grow, move forward and hopefully be a better ally and role model for others. The way to manage this is to load up on the self-compassion and forgive yourself because that's the only way to remain open and avoid spiraling into a shame and blame cycle. 
    

4. Go at your own pace and beware of comparing
   This is always good advice and applies to intuitive eating, body image work, social justice work, etc. We all have our unique journeys with incredibly unique circumstances. And, in all of that, some also have trauma that they are trying to understand and heal. All that affects our ability to learn, cope and respond in an effective manner. So, go easy on yourself and do your best not to compare your journey to anyone else's now or ever. 
    

5. Step away when you need to
   Give yourself permission to step away from anything that is causing you anxiety, making you lose sleep, or affecting your mental health, etc. I don't think that means you need to step away from anything that makes you uncomfortable, but it does mean that instead of internalizing it, you can get curious about it instead. However, you are in charge of your body and you have to do what you feel called to do. If you find yourself retreating more than you'd like to, I invite you to consider the reasons why because I believe that's likely where the growth opportunity is. 
    

6. Take a break to laugh!
   Now that things are loosening up and many states and countries are allowing some small gatherings, if you're comfortable going out, try to make time to be with loved ones and friends that lift you up. This is a great way to recharge your battery so you can keep being the fabulous person you are. Also, on a side note, I just discovered TikTok and when I need a giggle break, that's where I go for a good laugh! 

7. Do your part and trust that it is enough
   Be realistic and acknowledge that there is only so much one person can do. Imagine how we could all benefit if everyone did just a little bit to acknowledge their privilege, biases, etc. ? The point is that what may seem “little” will add up and ripple throughout. If we believe that the “little” we are doing isn’t “enough” we may retreat and do nothing. I’m sure you would agree that’s not the answer. So, do what you can when you can and remain open to what is being presented to you. If it shows up for you, consider that it may be an invitation from the universe to look more closely. Refer back to tip #5 above for more on this.
    

8. Hang out with us for support
   If you're not already part of my online Facebook community, join the No-Diet Sisterhood and follow me on Instagram. There is so much to learn on social media if it's managed properly (refer back to tip #1 above).

Your turn...
How are you doing with the recent events?
Has your self-care suffered during COVID and over the past two weeks?

Wherever you are and whatever you're feeling, I sincerely hope that some of these tips are useful for you. 

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Does a Lack of Self-Love and "Ob*sity" Cause Disease? - A Love Letter to Jillian Michaels

As usual, it's January and the dieting industry is in full swing promoting their diets, "lifestyles", detoxes and whatever else they call their intentional weight loss crap. Remember, research indicates that intentional weight loss, regardless of what your weight, is not sustainable long-term. 

Today, I want to talk about the concept that self-love can help us control our weight and possibly prevent illness.

I'll admit that years ago I used to believe that BS too because that's all I ever heard so, naturally, I believed it. I no longer feel shameful about this though because as I continue to grow as an anti-diet professional, I now understand and acknowledge that weight is a very complex science. I've also learned that all the "self-love" in the world isn't going to make someone who isn't supposed to weigh ______ (insert low weight here) remain at that weight long-term (3-5 years or more) unless they are likely going to extreme measures (like disordered eating or other disordered behaviors and/or engaging in compulsive exercise, etc.) to maintain it. (You can read more about that in my blog Have You Ever Tried a Self-Love Diet?.)

What got me so fired up about this topic again was reading the recent article Jillian Michaels is Being Criticized For Body-Shaming Lizzo where Jillian Michaels talked about self-love as it relates to our health. She says, 

“As I’ve stated repeatedly, we are all beautiful, worthy, and equally deserving. I also feel strongly that we love ourselves enough to acknowledge there are serious health consequences that come with ob*sity - heart disease, diabetes, cancer to name only a few," Michaels wrote. 'I would never wish these for ANYONE and I would hope we prioritize our health because we LOVE ourselves and our bodies.'"

Her words could easily throw someone into a downward spiral of shame and blame and that's never productive, especially for healing. What people struggling with illness need is affordable and accessible medical care (including educational services and resources), compassion, and support, NOT shame or blame. 

Also, to imply that a lack of self-love is what drives illness due to a lack of acknowledgment that it could cause illness is also shaming. I believe what she's saying is that if someone loved themselves enough to acknowledge that fat is what's causing these illnesses, they would lose weight.

I know first-hand how damaging words like these can have on a person in a larger body because many of my clients blame their ailments (from sleep apnea, weak knees, GERD, autoimmune diseases, etc.) on their weight when in fact, all of these ailments can also be found in people at lower weights. Words like this can also be counter-productive because they often scare people back into the never-ending diet-binge cycle which often cause more weight gain.

It also makes the assumption that weight can be controlled and that even if someone is at a higher weight, there is something inherently wrong with that when there isn’t. And, even if weight was the cause for illness, dieting to become thinner has its own potential physical and emotional health risks. Her words are not based on the truth which indicates that weight science is complex.

Many factors including the role of genetics, socioeconomic conditions, previous dieting history, environmental factors, medications, and fat stigma, etc. are all part of these complexities. Sadly, there was no mention of any of these important factors which isn’t surprising, but nonetheless disappointing and fatphobic.

To illustrate this point, remember that her partner from the Biggest Loser show Bob Harper, nearly died from a heart attack in 2017 even though he was extremely fit, appeared to be “healthy”, and maintained a lean body. After his heart attack, he told CNN this, 

"Genetics does play a part in this. I'm a guy who lives a very healthy lifestyle, works out all the time, but there were things going on inside my body that I needed to be more aware of." 

It's also concerning because she's assuming that "ob*sity" (* used because the “O” word is a BMI term and BMI was not intended to measure a person's health) causes these illnesses. Based on the causation vs. correlation theory, illness cannot be directly caused by a person's weight. Lindo Bacon, Ph.D. says it best in the article Fat Is Not the Problem—Fat Stigma Is, 

"It is true that many diseases are more commonly found in heavier people. However, that doesn’t mean that weight itself causes disease. Blaming fatness for heart disease is similar to blaming yellow teeth for lung cancer, rather than considering that smoking might play a role in both." 

The point she and many other diet-promoting, fear-mongering gurus are missing is that people of all weights, shapes, and sizes may fall victim to illness despite what diet culture propagates to us 24/7. None of us need to hear anymore short-sighted, weight stigmatizing "experts" shaming and blaming and offering their one-size-fits-all weight loss and/or “lifestyle” plans. After all, isn’t that what’s been preached for decades with dismal outcomes?

What we do need is a paradigm shift from weight-focused approaches to more sustainable self-care practices that will help people improve their physical, emotional and psychological health without weight cycling, shame, blame, and assumptions.

If you're blaming yourself for a health condition or feeling conflicted because you love the idea of intuitive eating but believe you need to lose weight for "health reasons" (or based on a practitioners medical advice or other fat-shaming), please reach out to me for a complimentary connection call. I can help you by providing support, mindset tips, resources, and helping you to develop individualized and sustainable self-care practices that will likely improve your overall health so you can feel better and live your life joyfully instead of living in fear.

Some journaling prompts to explore:

1. Do you worry that you may contract an illness because of your weight? 

2. Do you blame yourself for any chronic illness you may already have? 

3. If you do blame yourself, how could that be affecting your physical, psychological and emotional health?

4. Where can you soften the edges with self-compassionate so you can focus more on self-care habits instead of self-blame? 

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If you're tired of battling with your weight, fed up with the cycle of yo-yo dieting, and yearning to be free from your obsessive thinking about food and your body, schedule your complimentary Embrace Anti-Diet Living Connection Session.

We’ll get clear on where you are now, what you want instead, and what might be getting in the way of your success.

I’ll also share some powerful recommendations and resources to get you started on creating a peaceful relationship with your body and food.

How “Feeling Your Feelings” May Help Improve Your Relationship with Food

At the root of many eating difficulties is the inability to experience or feel our feelings. While I agree with this, I will say that most don't know how that translates or integrates into their every day lives. In addition, even if they know that feeling their feelings may advance their personal growth, it still can be scary and overwhelming to think about actually doing it, especially without the proper support in place.

I came across this image How to Feel Your Feelings by bestselling author, artist & speaker Amber Rae @hyeamberrae a few weeks ago and posted it in my No-Diet Sisterhood group and a lot of members really loved it!

In this illustration, once you’ve determined that you’re “feeling off”, take time to pause between the following questions to explore your feelings. Notice how feeling your feelings involves going inward instead of searching for something outside of ourselves to “fix” the problem just like intuitive eating does.

1. What am I feeling?

2. Where do I feel it in my body?

3. If it could talk, what would it say?

4. What might this be teaching me?

5. What do I need right now?

6. What tiny step can I take to meet my need?

I know first hand how painful it can be to feel unpleasant feelings. I also know there are significant benefits to doing this but I didn’t always know or understand what they were. I have included three primary reasons why below and hopefully they will encourage you to try something different the next time you try to escape into unhelpful, self-destructive behaviors like restricting food, abusing alcohol, drugs, chronically "emotionally" eating, busyness, compulsive exercising, or a variety of other self-harming behaviors.

Here are three reasons why it is important to allow yourself to process and experience your true feelings.

1. Numbing feelings may dull happy emotions
   When we habitually numb our challenging emotions, we also risk the ability to experience other feel good emotions. As humans, we're designed to feel a wide range of emotions, not just the pleasant ones. When we allow ourselves to experience uncomfortable emotions like sadness or anger, it intensifies emotions like happiness and joy even more.
   

2. Fighting the emotions blinds you
   Acceptance is tough pill to swallow when you're dealing with painful emotions but without it, we are blind to seeing the possibilities the emotion has to offer us. The less we accept, the less energy and mental space we'll have to discern why the feelings surfaced in the first place! If we begin to change our mindset around unpleasant emotions and start to see them as messengers which signal something important that we need to pay attention to, the better off we'll be.
   

3. Processing emotions leads to a healthier relationship with food
   Allowing ourselves to feel emotions is part of life and when we allow it, we are deepening our connection with ourselves and with our bodies. By doing this, we inadvertently strengthen our intuitive eating practice too! The more we get acquainted with what our bodies need, the more often we will likely honor them by meeting their needs. In the end, this will lead to a fuller more satisfying life and a healthier and more peaceful relationship with food and body.

The next time you're confronted with uncomfortable emotions, remember the How to Feel Your Feelings image and consider the questions it’s asking. Doing this may help to process your emotions more easily so you can recognize the important lessons that may be hiding beneath them.

I'd love to hear from you! Feel free to respond to this love note and share how this image landed with you. Do you think this could be helpful for you?

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If you're tired of battling with your weight, fed up with the cycle of yo-yo dieting, and yearning to be free from your obsessive thinking about food and your body, schedule your complimentary Embrace Anti-Diet Living Connection Session.

We’ll get clear on where you are now, what you want instead, and what might be getting in the way of your success.

I’ll also share some powerful recommendations and resources to get you started on creating a peaceful relationship with your body and food.