We hear a lot of talk about the benefits of mindfulness, especially as it relates to eating. While I don't deny that mindful eating is a wonderful practice, there is an important piece of it that many people leave out (I discuss this in the video below).
I'll add that the diet industry has bastardized the original intent or meaning of mindfulness to include weight loss. While it's possible that engaging in mindful eating may lead to weight loss, when I talk about mindful eating, it's not for the purposes of weight loss. When I talk about it, it's mostly to help heighten your awareness around the foods you're eating which, over time, will help to improve your intutive eating practice.
While the idea of mindfulness stems from Buddhism, one of the people that ushered it into mainstream language is Jon Kabat-Zinn. He defines mindfulness as:
Paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally.
Notice the text in red in the sentence above. In this live video I recorded yesterday in the No-Diet Sisterhood, I talk about one of the primary benefits of nonjudgmental eating and how it can help to transform our relationships with food. I'll add that what I talk about in this video can be a game changer for anyone practicing intuitive eating, especially newbies. I hope this gives you a fresh perspective. Watch it now.
Think You're Too Old to Try Intuitive Eating?
There is mounting evidence that a no-diet approach focusing on improving self-care and listening to one's body is much healthier in the long-run than dieting could ever would be, regardless of weight and/or size.
I want to be clear that this approach is available to people of all ages (and genders, sizes, ethnic backgrounds, socioeconomic status, etc.). What I've learned from my own personal experience, and from coaching my clients, is that anyone who is open to change can reap the benefits of this approach. The expression "You can't teach an old dog new tricks" needs to be challenged. It's stereotypical and disempowering. Change is possible for women of all ages. While I recognize that some people are more privileged than others, I still believe that with some tweaks, this can work.
After being caught in the snares of an eating disorder, coupled with mountains of body dissatisfaction for several decades, I discovered intuitive eating when I was approximately 45 years old. As I've written about many times, intuitive eating changed my life in unimaginable ways. While I realize this is my personal journey, my clients have also had similar positive experiences and they range in age from 30 to 65 years old.
To be honest, this work isn't easy for most to adapt to at first, regardless of age. Why? Because it goes against nearly everything we've been taught about weight, bodies, and diets. It also challenges the way we look at bodies and invites us to explore the reasons why we believe that one body is "better" or has more value than another.
I don't think anyone would refute that there are many, many layers and challenges in doing this work. After all, we are all swimming in diet culture 24/7 and it’s very alluring! As challenging as peeling back those layers can be sometimes, doing so helps us to grow in ways that will undoubtedly bring about more peace within ourselves and in many other areas of our lives.
If you're more seasoned (age 45+) and/or have a very long and challenging relationship with food and think that you're too entrenched in your "old" ways, think again. If you believe you won't be able to successfully practice and/or embody intuitive eating into your life, understand that this is a limiting belief. Limiting beliefs, left unchallenged, could hold you back from experiencing the freedom from food and body satisfaction that you're seeking.
Are you willing to take that chance?
Takeaways:
Self-care is the answer, not dieting.
Unlearning is possible at any age.
Diet culture is relentless.
Body dissatisfaction is learned.
Limiting beliefs are dream killers.
Support usually makes the journey easier and more manageable.
If you're tired of battling with your weight, fed up with the cycle of yo-yo dieting, and yearning to be free from your obsessive thinking about food and your body, schedule your complimentary Embrace Anti-Diet Living Connection Session.
We’ll get clear on where you are now, what you want instead, and what might be getting in the way of your success.
I’ll also share some powerful recommendations and resources to get you started on creating a peaceful relationship with your body and food.
The Missing PIECE To Discovering PEACE with Food
I'm so thankful that I have clients and friends who often reflect back to me exactly what I need to hear and see so that I can recognize that I'm not alone. The fact is, right now a lot of people are struggling. I'm not certain if it's related to the moon phase we currently in or moving from, the start of Daylight Savings time, or because we're beginning a new season, but dozens of women I'm connected to are feeling a serious down shift in their mood causing indecision, profound discomfort, and lack of joy.
I don't know about you, but even hearing the word UNCOMFORTABLE makes me uncomfortable! You know, that pit in the stomach kinda feeling that comes on suddenly when something triggers you. Ugh! That prickly kind of feeling you want to promptly squelch and/or avoid as soon as you recognize it's invaded your personal space. Do you know the feeling that I'm referring to? In full transparency, I know it all too well!
In the past year, I noticed that my attempts to squelch and avoid discomfort were no longer effective. Yes, indeed, YIKES! What can be done when we realize that something we've doing to help us cope isn't "cutting" it anymore? I can think of at least two things we can do when this happens.
1) We can continue trying to resist the feelings hoping that we'll get lucky again and experience a different result (kinda like the definition of insanity - trying the same thing over and over and expecting a different result)
OR
2) We can open our hearts and explore other possible ways that might be effective.
In my extensive studies on this topic, I discovered that the way to find peace with discomfort is through acceptance. Yes, you heard right, ACCEPTANCE. You know the popular AA/OA/NA phrase "What we resist persists", well, it is the truth. When we stop trying to resist/avoid/ignore the feelings, that's how we can actually relieve our discomfort.
As Karyn Hall Ph.D. says in her Psychology Today article, "Accepting reality is difficult when life is painful. No one wants to experience pain, disappointment, sadness, or loss. But those experiences are a part of life. When you attempt to avoid or resist those emotions, you add suffering to your pain. You may build the emotion bigger with your thoughts or create more misery by attempting to avoid the painful emotions. You can stop suffering by practicing acceptance."
My immediate thought to this theory was "NO WAY!" How could I accept something that makes me feel so awful? Wouldn't that be like giving up and losing control? But, the more books I read and listened to, the more I was faced with the fact that it was true. The way to discover peace was through acceptance.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still not BFFs with acceptance, but I now accept that acceptance is the answer that will help to alleviate my occasional suffering. Whether or not I'm able to cozy up to acceptance in the moment is another thing, but I know now that I always have that choice.
Lastly, it's important to understand that this is a PRACTICE and not a one and done solution. Becoming aware of the places in our lives where we may be resisting and not accepting is a life-long process with many peaks and valleys. So as always, sprinkling in more self-compassion and patience is a great idea. :-)
Reflective questions to consider:
Where in your life are you consistently suffering?
Are you willing to open your heart to being more accepting?
How does your lack of acceptance for X (your body, your eating, etc.) affect and detract from your life?
This message tumbled out of my heart and into this love note. I hope you can feel that and I pray it brings you some relief, especially if you're suffering today.
If you're tired of battling with your weight, fed up with the cycle of yo-yo dieting, and yearning to be free from your obsessive thinking about food and your body, schedule your complimentary Embrace Anti-Diet Living Connection Session.
We’ll get clear on where you are now, what you want instead, and what might be getting in the way of your success.
I’ll also share some powerful recommendations and resources to get you started on creating a peaceful relationship with your body and food.
How to Stop Eating Past Fullness All the Time
I often hear my clients struggling because many of them find themselves eating past a comfortable fullness. In my Intuitive Eating Workbook Club and during our sessions with clients, I hear them saying things, "I don't understand why I just cannot stop eating when I'm full." While it is important to understand that part of normal eating is "overeating at times, feeling stuffed and uncomfortable" doing it more often than not could be an indication of a few things.
Before I go further, I want to say that most newbie intuitive eaters often eat past a comfortable fullness. This is especially true if you had been restricting your food for a long time before you started practicing intuitive eating. The longer you had been restricting, the longer this phase generally lingers. This is all part of the attunement process.
Other reasons why you may be eating past a comfortable fullness:
Not eating enough or consistently - Not eating enough during meals or snacks or not eating consistently throughout the day is likely the primary reason why people are frequently eating to an uncomfortable fullness level. When our bodies are not adequately fed throughout the day and they finally do finally get a chance to eat, they will do with intensity (referred to as primal eating). When this happens, even with the best intentions, they are not usually able to eat consciously or moderately. Has this ever happened to you?
Not honoring your body - If you are not allowing yourself to eat all foods (barring an allergy or food sensitivity or other medical reason) or you are not eating foods that are satisfying to you, this may also cause frequent bouts of eating past fullness. For example, you may not be dieting per say, but you may still have rules (even if they subtle) around how often and how much of certain foods, like carbs, you will allow yourself to eat. This is often due to fear of weight gain. While there are other reasons why people frequently eat past fullness, these are the two main reasons I often see in my practice.
Notice any similarities in these two situations? The common thread is that the body's needs are not being met. It is important to understand that the longer and more frequently our bodies needs are ignored, the more we erode our bodies sense of trust.
The ironic thing is that the freedom and peace that intuitive eating promises will not develop unless trust exists. But, since many do not trust themselves around food (which is usually due to their perceived sense of “failure” due to yo-yo dieting) because their internal food police are often telling them that they are "eating too often" or “carbs are fattening” they do not have this needed sense of trust.
This is quite a conundrum, right?
In order to experience this freedom and peace that you so well deserve, you will need to start eating more consistently. And, not just eating consistently, but consistently eating a variety of foods that your body is calling for (including carbs, fats, and refined sugars, if so desired = full permission) and foods that you believe will satisfy your body. Once your body knows that it will be fed again when it is hungry, it will not feel the need to eat past a comfortable fullness as often because it knows food will be available again when it is needed.
Reflective questions to ponder:
Are you eating often enough and eating foods that satisfy you throughout the day?
When you do eat, is it under ideal conditions so you can eat mindfully so you can experience greater food satisfaction?
Are you giving yourself full permission to eat or are you still subtly restricting certain foods or foods groups because you fear weight gain?
This message tumbled out of my heart and into this love note. I hope you it is helpful in some way.
If you're tired of battling with your weight, fed up with the cycle of yo-yo dieting, and yearning to be free from your obsessive thinking about food and your body, schedule your complimentary Embrace Anti-Diet Living Connection Session.
We’ll get clear on where you are now, what you want instead, and what might be getting in the way of your success.
I’ll also share some powerful recommendations and resources to get you started on creating a peaceful relationship with your body and food.
If you're tired of battling with your weight, fed up with the cycle of yo-yo dieting, and yearning to be free from your obsessive thinking about food and your body, schedule your complimentary Embrace Anti-Diet Living Connection Session.
We’ll get clear on where you are now, what you want instead, and what might be getting in the way of your success.
I’ll also share some powerful recommendations and resources to get you started on creating a peaceful relationship with your body and food.
Navigating Life's Uncertainties During Middle-Age
I don't talk about this a lot, but I'm smack in the middle of middle-age. And, in full transparency, I don't always like it. Sometimes it makes me feel really insecure and frightened. Other times I celebrate it because someone with less life experience will come to me asking for advice (or just to confide in or hold space for them in a non-judgmental way) when they're struggling and I can usually help them.
One of the most challenging parts of middle-age is that we become more aware that life is uncertain. The truth is, life has always been uncertain but many of us don't wake up to this fact until later in life.
In my effort to feel more comfortable with uncertainty, sometimes I ponder about the things in my life that are certain. You know, the things I can count on no matter what.
Here is my short list of things that make me feel better when things feel a little out of control and I need something to ground myself. I've shared many of these things during client sessions, when it seemed applicable, and my clients have gotten some relief from them. Perhaps you will too. Here goes:
Honoring our bodies - The more often we tune-in to ask our bodies what they need, the better they are likely to function physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Be mindful - The more we live in the moment and stop lamenting over what was (specifically about our weight, size, foods we ate and/or didn't eat), the less stress and regret we'll experience in our lives now.
Compassion - The more self-compassionate we are to ourselves, the more likely we are to adopt healthier behaviors.
Permission - The more permission we give ourselves to be who we are (at any shape or weight), eat what we truly desire to eat, wear what we like wherever we like, and share time on Earth with people we love, the more fulfilling our lives will be.
Movement - The more we move our bodies in ways that feel good instead of for reasons that may just make us look "good", the more sustainable and joyful the movement will be.
Boundaries - The more healthy boundaries we establish, the more often our needs will be met, which usually translates to less overall frustration.
Comparison - The less we compare, the less we'll despair.
Purpose- The more we acknowledge that our presence on Earth is necessary and that we serve a higher purpose, even if we don't know what it is right now, the easier it will be to discover what our true purpose is.
Acceptance - The more we accept life on its terms and stop trying to change and/or manipulate the outcomes (including weight, size and shape) the more at peace we'll be.
Gratitude - The more grateful we are, the more things we'll notice we can be grateful to have.
I'm curious, what kinds of things help to ground you when you're feeling uncertain about your life?
How do life's uncertainties affect your relationship with food and body?
If you're tired of battling with your weight, fed up with the cycle of yo-yo dieting, and yearning to be free from your obsessive thinking about food and your body, schedule your complimentary Embrace Anti-Diet Living Connection Session.
We’ll get clear on where you are now, what you want instead, and what might be getting in the way of your success.
I’ll also share some powerful recommendations and resources to get you started on creating a peaceful relationship with your body and food.
10 Tips to Manage Anxiety About Weight Gain
Whenever anyone quits dieting (defined as intentional attempts to control weight and size) and decides to practice intuitive eating, their body and mind go a through significant transition. While it is often a relief that they no longer have to follow strict rules around food and movement, removing them can be anxiety producing for a variety of reasons. Many will wonder, “What is going to happen to my body now?” or “Won’t I just keep gaining weight if I do not have any rules in place?”. The truth is that no one can answer these questions with certainty because each body may respond differently based on its dieting history, current health status, genetics, medications, socioeconomic status, etc. We do know with certainty that one of three outcomes may happen: Weight remains the same, weight loss, or weight gain.
While the focus of intuitive eating, which is a practice that teaches ex-dieters and previous food restricters to tune-in to their bodies innate cues related to hunger, fullness and food satisfaction, among other things, is not to focus on weight loss but instead improving ones relationship with food, sometimes weight gain does occur as part of the recovery process.
I will stress that if you are one of the people who gained weight while practicing intuitive eating, it does not mean that there is something wrong with you or with your intuitive eating practice.
Understanding that weight gain is sometimes the body’s response to periods (sometimes decades) of restriction is important. Continuing to practice intuitive eating is the best course of action even though the weight gain may be uncomfortable both emotionally and physically. After all, we cannot ignore the fact that weight stigma is real and can have profound negative effects on our overall health.
To help my clients, and others who ask me, manage the discomfort from weight gain, I offer them the following suggestions.
Cultivate self-compassion – While this is often the furthest thing from most people’s minds during life’s ups and downs, it is often what is needed most of all. The first step to being more self-compassionate is acknowledging the discomfort. So, take time to lean into the discomfort even though that may seem challenging some days. Acknowledge that anyone who breaks up with dieting and no longer allows the unattainable nonsense of diet culture to ruin their lives, undergoes a period of transition, so you are not alone. Be kind to your body as it gets used to this new way of living knowing that the transition is temporary but well worth it.
Trust – Realize that during this transition, you are learning to trust your body again and your body is learning to trust you. One of the many things that dieting and/or food restriction does is strip away that trust. When we practice intuitive eating, we are re-learning how to listen to our body instead of following external rules and self-imposed restrictions. On the flip side, our bodies are learning to trust that they will continue to be honored and cared for by consistently getting enough of the foods that nourish and satisfy them. Rebuilding this trust takes time and patience, but it will happen.
Know there is an end in sight – While it may seem like the weight gain will never end, believe and trust that it will. Understand that the body is sorting itself out by trying to find its ideal weight. It will draw a line and you will need to do your best to trust that your body can and will to do that. Caring for yourself by taking time to educate yourself about the mechanics of weight science can be very helpful and empowering. A great resource for this is the book Body Respect by Linda Bacon and Lucy Aphramor.
Rethink your old beliefs - Challenge the mechanical thinking and belief that weight is as simple as calories in vs. calories out. Unlike what we are told by commercial weight loss programs, TV, and social media ads, weight science is very complex, and many things may impact a person’s weight. The belief that fat and larger bodies are “bad” is the problem, not the weight itself. A paradigm shift is needed for healing not another diet.
Dump the scale – Do not step on the scale because that disrupts months of progress and may even lead you back to restrictive eating again. For those who have used a scale to control their food intake or assess their self-value based on their weight, stepping on the scale can be even more detrimental to them.
Reduce body checking – Do not get caught up in obsessive mirror gazing, clothes checking, feeling for bones, etc. as that is detrimental to progress also. When the urge to body check surfaces, think of an affirming statement to get yourself back on track like, “May I trust that my weight is working itself out and doing its best to take care of me.” or “May I be kind to my body as it transitions and heals.”
Practice patience – Remind yourself often that normalizing food and eating behaviors after years of dieting takes time and patience. There is no shortcut around this. Just keep noticing your shifting beliefs and observe them non-judgmentally.
Keep your dieting memory green – Remember why you broke up with dieting in the first place. Make a list of the consequences you suffered as a result of dieting and make it accessible so you can re-read it often. The Intuitive Eating Workbook has some great exercises related to this that I recommend doing.
Let go of the illusion – Let go of the illusion that you can control your weight long-term. Yes, while dieting you probably lost weight (most did this repeatedly), your long-term experience maintaining the weight was fleeting. Understanding that continued attempts to lose weight will do more harm than good because they will just put you back into the restrict/binge cycle.
Mourn what was – Acknowledge that you may feel grief about the changes your body is experiencing. Make room for this grief while doing your best not to judge yourself for it. Repeatedly make room for the grief because it will continue to resurface from time-to-time. This is not easy when diet culture continually reinforces that smaller bodies are better, healthier and more attractive. Be aware of who is gaining financially when you are feeling negatively about yourself and your body. Understand that while it is natural to feel pressured by the demands of diet culture, continuing to practice intuitive eating and learning more about how manipulative diet culture can be will eventually help you to feel more confident, satisfied and joyful in your body. This will finally allow you to live your life to the fullest without the constant preoccupation with food and body dissatisfaction.
If you're tired of battling with your weight, fed up with the cycle of yo-yo dieting, and yearning to be free from your obsessive thinking about food and your body, schedule your complimentary Embrace Anti-Diet Living Connection Session.
We’ll get clear on where you are now, what you want instead, and what might be getting in the way of your success.
I’ll also share some powerful recommendations and resources to get you started on creating a peaceful relationship with your body and food.