Measuring Progress without the Scale

The other day I was asked how I measure my clients progress without using the scale. I thought this was such a great question, especially for anyone who is considering practicing Intuitive Eating. The truth is, unlike dieting, with Intuitive Eating, progress isn’t measured by numbers (although metabolic health ranges may improve as a byproduct of better self-care). In fact, focusing on numbers like weight, inches lost/added or number of times eaten hinders the healing process. If you’re struggling in your relationship with food and have decided to start practicing Intuitive Eating, there are several indicators that show your progress without ever stepping on a scale, counting a calorie, ‘point’ or measuring your waist!

1. Hunger/fullness — You’re allowing yourself to unconditionally eat (mostly when hungry, but sometimes just because you want to) and not just basing your meals/snacks on the time of day and/or the number of hours between meals/snacks. Also, you’re becoming more aware when you’re feeling full and are usually able to stop eating based on these signals.

2. Reduced stress/anxiety — You enjoy your food with a noticeable difference in how you feel when you’re preparing it, eating it and feeling after eating it. In the past certain foods may have left you wanting more and possibly even obsessing over that but when you’ve begun to make peace with food, that stress around food often dissipates. This certainly doesn’t happen overnight, but eventually white knuckling around food will be a faint memory.

3. Digestion matters — Many who consistently eat foods that don’t agree with their digestive systems are often not tuned in to how certain foods or combinations of foods make them feel. Becoming aware of this is a huge part of the Intuitive Eating process. For some, becoming more observant about their food choices and/or food combinations is important. This may be difficult in the initial stages of Intuitive Eating, but over time, it usually becomes easier to discern this. Supplements may also be needed to help with this.

4. More variety — For those who have religiously restricted foods high in calories, fat, or carbs often limit the types of foods they’ll eat. They do this because they fear they’ll go ‘overboard’ and not be able to stop eating once they start. They are often terrified of weight gain. This is very common and can sometimes keep people in a rut with their food and often stagnates or prevents healing. Being open to and then noticing that you’re allowing a variety of foods in your diet and that you eat these foods without (or with reduced) anxiety or fear is huge growth!

5. Stop labeling and judging– You’ve stopped labeling food as “good” vs. “bad” or “healthy” vs. “unhealthy”. Labels like these create a lot of guilt around food choices and, over time, chip away at self-esteem. Labeling foods also causes us to have a moral attachment to foods. This attachment makes it impossible to notice the satisfaction level of the food and how you’ll feel physically and emotionally after eating it. Without this knowledge, foods will continue to be seen from the standpoint of calories, fat grams, carbs, etc. which is still dieting. Once you’re able to get past your judgments about food, the food choices usually become more nutritionally balanced.

6. Less preoccupation — Instead of being consistently preoccupied over what to eat, how much to eat, when to eat it, etc. you can simply be mindful and enjoy what you’re eating! While it’s certainly acceptable to give thought to food and the enjoyment of it, doing so in an unbalanced/obsessive manner isn’t healthy. When the food obsession diminishes, there is more time to enjoy life!

7. Move for fun not punishment — It’s amazing what happens when the focal point of exercise isn’t on the number of calories burned, but on how the movement makes your body feel. When your criteria for choosing movement is based on how it makes you feel rather than on the number of calories that will be burned or the number of steps you walked, you can choose movement that you’ll enjoy and likely do consistently. Engaging in consistent movement is important for metabolic health (blood pressure, blood cholesterol, sugar), managing stress, bone health, and emotional well being.

8. Stop food extremes — You know you’re well on your way to food freedom once you’ve stopped going to food extremes like forbidding refined sugar, carbs, fats or high calorie foods. When you’ve gotten to a place where you recognize that all foods can be enjoyed in moderation (which is different for everyone) and without all the guilt, this is a great sign! Once you’ve begun to see that all foods (barring a food allergy or sensitivity) can be enjoyed without the sky falling or the nasty food police always judging every morsel of food that crosses your lips, you’re on your way to achieving food freedom!

So, the next time you’re wondering if your Intuitive Eating efforts are “paying off”, I hope you’ll consider these non-numeric benchmarks. Remember, being an Intuitive Eater is not about being “perfect” around food. In fact, it’s just the opposite. Intuitive Eating is about allowing ourselves to be more flexible around food while allowing our bodies to guide us. When we’re ‘tuned in’ to what our bodies need instead of focusing on numbers, food freedom and body acceptance is possible!

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If you're tired of battling with your weight, fed up with the cycle of yo-yo dieting, and yearning to be free from your obsessive thinking about food and your body, schedule your complimentary Embrace Anti-Diet Living Connection Session.

We’ll get clear on where you are now, what you want instead, and what might be getting in the way of your success.

I’ll also share some powerful recommendations and resources to get you started on creating a peaceful relationship with your body and food.

Permission, Pleasure, Presence — Your 3 Ps for Stress-Less Holiday Eating

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Or, is it? Let’s face it, as fun as the holiday season can be, it can also be very stressful, especially for those who struggle in their relationships with food. Overeating (defined as eating to an uncomfortable fullness level) during the holidays and then worrying about imminent weight gain are real concerns for a huge majority of the population. So, if you’re feeling this way, understand that you’re not alone.

I know this because during the year, I help people overcome their struggles with food, specifically with binge eating, chronic emotional overeating, and food restriction by teaching them about intuitive eating. Intuitive eating is a process where you learn how to listen to your body’s internal signals for hunger, fullness and food satisfaction. Over time, my clients see that many of the things they’ve been doing to help control their eating (and weight) is what’s causing them to feel uncontrolled and dissatisfied with their eating in the long run.

Regardless if you’re a seasoned intuitive eater or never practiced intuitive eating before, the tips I’m sharing will help you feel more confident and less stressed around your holiday eating.

The truth is that it’s difficult to fully enjoy the holidays when you’re worried about what you’re eating, how much you’re eating, and how all of that will impact your waistline. You don’t have to feel stressed or wallow in food guilt this holiday season if you remember and practice the 3 Ps:

Permission

Instead of restricting your favorite foods because they’re too fattening or have too many carbs, eat them instead. I know it may sound crazy, but restricting foods often leads to overeating or even bingeing. So, giving yourself permission to eat all foods (unless there is a food allergy or sensitivity to it) is less likely to make you overeat them. Believe it or not, food doesn’t seem as “taboo” when we give ourselves permission to eat it. It is making the foods scarce or “forbidden” in our minds that intensifies us wanting them even more.

Pleasure

When choosing foods to eat, eat your favorites first. So, take some time to visually scan what’s available to you and then go for it! Don’t save the best for last. Eat those foods first so you can savor them now. There is no reason to postpone joy, especially if there is a limited quantity of it.

Presence

As often as possible, be present or mindful while eating. I know it’s a busy time of year! Schedules are packed, and often emotions are running high. But as often as possible, be intimate with your food. By that I mean, be deliberate about the foods you choose to eat. When the food hits your tongue, let the flavors and textures take hold. After chewing your food well (which helps with digestion), and swallowing it, ask yourself if the food was satisfying to you before you take another bite. It’s amazing how often we just eat food because it’s on our plate, but the food really isn’t satisfying to us. So, take time to ask yourself if the foods you’re eating are satisfying you. The truth is, often when we’re eating satisfying foods, we often eat less of them.

I’m confident if you keep these three Ps in mind, you’ll experience less stress and more joy in your holiday eating. Also, no matter where you are on your journey with food, give yourself permission to eat “imperfectly”. At any time of the year, striving for perfectionism isn’t good. It breeds rigidity and that often leads to more stress, often more overeating, and more food guilt. Practicing self-compassion when we notice these perceived imperfections allows us to be more present and mindful in our lives because we stop judging ourselves so much. When we’re doing this, we can truly enjoy the gifts of the holiday season and beyond.

How To Set Anti-Diet Holiday Boundaries With Ease

I know many are gearing up for the holidays and maybe excited about seeing family, eating once-a-year dishes that they love, and having time off from work. It can be a fun and exhilarating time of year but it can also be stressful in some ways too because diet talk is often on the rise. It can especially be tough for anyone whose body may have changed since they've last seen family or certain friends.

If you're searching for a tool to help you navigate these exhausting, boring conversations and/or shut down any comments about your body (or anyone else's body), the best way to do that is by establishing healthy boundaries.

First, let's define what a boundary is.

A boundary is a guideline, rule or limit that you create to help others know how to treat you. It tells them what you will or will not accept and may offer consequences when someone doesn't honor them.

Since so many people are in the constant habit of evangelizing about their diets, what foods are "good" vs. "bad", commenting negatively about their bodies, etc., these conversations could negatively affect your recovery, establishing healthy boundaries around these topics is about self-care.

I know from coaching my clients that establishing boundaries isn't easy, especially with family! In full transparency, I sometimes struggle with establishing boundaries in other areas of my life too so I get why it's a struggle. This is big girl panty stuff for sure!!

Picture this typical scenario:
At your holiday dinner table, family and friends are continually talking about how much weight they're expecting to gain from now until January because of all the cookies they've been eating at work, at the hair salon, etc.

You realize you're triggered by this kind of talk and start to feel uneasy. What you could do...

1. Get in touch with what you need and decide if you are willing to speak up.

2. Take a deep breath and set the boundary by asking that we don't talk about diets, weight gain, our bodies while eating because you just want to enjoy your meal. Unfortunately, they don't honor it and you continue to hear food and diet comments at the table. So you...

3. Repeat your boundary but this time say it with a consequence.

So, for example, you could say something like... "I'm very uncomfortable with this conversation. I've asked that we don't speak of these things over dinner and no one listened to me. If it continues, I will have to get up from the family dinner table and eat in the kitchen alone."

If they still don't honor your boundary, move on to step 4.

4. Follow through with the consequence.

Keep in mind that the consequence must be something you're willing to do. So, if you're not willing to leave the table, don't make that your consequence. Be honest and real with yourself and with those you're establishing the boundaries with. If you don't, people will likely not honor them now or in the future.

While some people are very good at reading body language or are naturally intuitive, many, especially around the topic of diet and body image, have no clue how their constant talk and commenting/berating can affect someone. The risk is quite high if you don't speak up for yourself. Plus, wouldn't you want to know if something you were saying or doing was negatively affecting someone else?

To be honest, people may get their feathers ruffled when a boundary is set, but that doesn't mean that doing so is wrong or shouldn't be done. Remember, every time you reinforce a boundary, it gets stronger and so will you!

I do not doubt that you've come far in your diet recovery journey. Give yourself permission to speak up for yourself and curate an environment that will help you continue to thrive and grow!

You deserve to enjoy your holidays (and any other time of year) without incessant diet talk, food policing, and body commenting.

Remember, it's okay if you decide not to set a boundary. However, consider how not doing so may be affecting your relationship with food and body if you don't. Whatever you decide, be compassionate with yourself. Establishing boundaries isn't easy, but it's necessary if we want to have our needs met more often.

If you'd like to talk more about this, join the conversation in my No-Diet Sisterhood Facebook group or drop a comment below.

This love note was inspired by Michelle Elman @ScarredNotScared.

The Missing Ingredient in Healing Your Relationship with Food

When you hear the words “self-compassion”, what immediately comes to mind? If you’re anything like I was when I was first embarked on my intuitive eating journey, and like an overwhelming majority of my clients are when they first start coaching with me, you squirm. Before we go any further, I’d like to share how self-compassion is defined by renowned self-compassion researcher Dr. Kristin Neff:

“Self-compassion entails being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self-criticism.”

To most, the concept of being self-compassionate is foreign. I’ve found this to be especially true regarding those who struggle with eating challenges. I often remember thinking, “Why would such self-destructive behaviors deserve kindness when I’m doing such harm to my body and emotional health?” At the time, I believed that extending kindness to myself would perpetuate these behaviors. Since I didn’t want the behaviors to continue, I assumed that beating myself up was the way to stop them from continuing. I often hear the similar thoughts from my clients.

In fact, the opposite is true. Dr. Kristin Neff’s research shows that being hard on oneself usually backfires. It prevents people from facing the difficult truths about their behaviors or beliefs because they are so afraid of hating themselves if they do. This often allows weaknesses or patterns to remain unacknowledged. Because of this, change is unlikely to occur and even if it does, it will likely take longer and be more difficult to implement and sustain. On the contrary, based on Neff’s research, cultivating a self-compassion practice can provide a powerful motivating force for growth and change while providing a safe place to land without the fear of self-hatred.

Over time, we can begin to heal our relationships with food by curiously, non-judgmentally and compassionately identifying our triggers, patterns and beliefs. Unlike what diet culture preaches, a healthy relationship with food cannot be achieved by eating “clean”, starting a new “lifestyle” plan, or by cleansing/detoxing. True healing takes time, patience and the desire to try different instead of trying harder at the same old thing.

While some are aware of their distressing eating patterns and behaviors, because they are observing them with disgust and shame, it makes it harder to discover the peaceful and healthy relationship with food they deserve to have. Also, that harsh judgment often leads to poor mental health which may eventually diminish a person’s physical health. It’s also important to mention that if diet culture didn’t assume that people in smaller bodies and lower weights are healthy (typically based on BMI scales) and praise one body type/shape over another making so many feel inadequate and unattractive, most wouldn’t diet to try to meet these unrealistic expectations in the first place!

How could your diet recovery change if you began to cultivate a more compassionate eating practice? I’m sure you’re thinking, “In theory that makes sense, but I’ve no idea where to begin!”. To help you get started, I’ve included six tips that I often share with my clients that may help you to develop and grow your own compassionate eating practice:

1.       Sit down to eat without distractions: I understand that the demands of everyday life often drive us to eat on the run. That doesn’t do much for our digestion or for our intuitive eating practice. Whenever possible, make a concerted effort to stop, sit and eat without checking email, your social media feed or talking on the phone. When you do this, it gives you some precious time to reconnect with your body. When we are connected to our bodies, we are more likely to make more deliberate eating choices and find more satisfaction in our food. In addition, the simple act of slowing down and minimizing distractions gives your body the message that it’s deserving of that kindness and peace if only for a short while. 

2.       Minimize guilt around food choices or overeating: When you eat a food that you deem as “unhealthy”/“bad” or when you eat past fullness, kindly say to yourself, “For the most part I eat nourishing foods.” and “For the most part, I eat to fullness.” Diet culture enforces strict rules around the types of foods we should (see tip #3) eat and around how much we should be eating not taking into account our individuality. Healing a relationship with food requires that you start to move away from those strict external rules and become a normal eater.

3.       Stop “shoulding” yourself:  One of the foundations of self-compassion is continually asking yourself what you need in that moment. So, instead of “shoulding” yourself to eat _____ because it’s “healthy”, ask your body what it needs to feel nourished, satisfied and energized, trusting that you can rely on it to guide you. This will help to instill body trust and that’s how you cultivate a healthy relationship with food and body.

4.       Eat now to avoid bingeing later: Along the same lines as tip #3, once you’ve decided what you want to eat, allow yourself to eat it until you’re satisfied or else you may binge on the fear/”trigger” food or on some other food later. Physical and/or emotional food restriction typically leads to binge eating and feeling “out of control” around food.  

5.       Eat with knowledge: When you eat a food that typically doesn’t agree with you, observe it without judging your actions. Ask yourself questions like, “Would I choose to feel this way again?” or “What other food could I have eaten instead and still felt satisfied? or “Would eating fewer bites of _____ food help me to feel better next time?” The primary goal here is to identify if it’s a specific food that is causing the discomfort or the amount of food eaten.

6.       Acknowledge your progress: It’s encouraging to acknowledge when we do something that makes a positive impact in our lives. Take the time to acknowledge yourself for all you’re doing to improve your compassionate eating practice and in turn your relationship with eating. Occasionally, take time after meals to notice if you’re feeling more relaxed and less self-critical about your eating. It’s likely that the more you begin to acknowledge these seemingly small, self-compassionate acts, the more skilled you will become in your compassionate eating practice.

These are just a few ideas so you can get started. Of course, you are the expert on you so if you can think of some other ideas on how to cultivate your compassionate eating practice, go for it! I’m confident that with time, patience and more self-reflection, your relationship with food will begin to transform for the better.

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If you're tired of battling with your weight, fed up with the cycle of yo-yo dieting, and yearning to be free from your obsessive thinking about food and your body, schedule your complimentary Embrace Anti-Diet Living Connection Session.

We’ll get clear on where you are now, what you want instead, and what might be getting in the way of your success.

I’ll also share some powerful recommendations and resources to get you started on creating a peaceful relationship with your body and food.

Are You Trying to Control Your Weight to Control Your Life?

Like it or not, we cannot control our lives or the people in our lives. Many of us have likely heard this repeatedly, but knowing this on an intellectual level and living it are very different, right?

One of the aspects of our lives that many attempt to control when life feels out of control is to try to control their bodies (their shape), weight, food intake (by restricting or overeating), and by over/under exercising. While this is very common among a large majority of the population (Thank you diet culture!) it's even more commonly seen in women who struggle in their relationships with food and body.

This is understandable since on some level many still believe they can control their weight. In fact, they insist on it so they continue to diet, restrict, eat "clean", compulsively exercise, or do detoxes and/or cleanses, etc. And you know what, they may have some success with that if they try hard enough but even then, it's likely not sustainable long-term.

No matter how hard we try, at some point we need to accept that our bodies are not meant to remain the same throughout our lives. I know, it's not an easy pill to swallow! I get it. At 53, I've been through all the menopausal phases and I've seen and felt how my body has changed. I've also experienced fears around aging that I never could have imagined possible until now.

How are you managing these kinds of changes and fears in your life? Are you white knuckling these life phases by trying to control your food in hopes of maintaining your weight (which you believe directly corresponds to your health)? If you are, know that you're not alone!

I want to share a secret with you...

The more we try to control our food and weight, the more likely we are to experience binges, overeating, emotional/stress eating, anxiety, and body dissatisfaction.

On the flip side, the more we allow ourselves to eat nourishing (and enjoy "play" foods too) foods that make us feel good most of the time, move our bodies in ways that help us to feel energized and increase our stamina and strength, learn to appreciate and respect our bodies as they are, the more freedom and satisfaction we're likely going to experience in our lives. And, as an added bonus, following this advice will also very likely improve or maintain metabolic health too!

So the next time you find yourself white knuckling your way through a meal because there are too many ________ in it or restricting food with the insidious goal of losing weight, think of how that may be affecting your relationship with food, body, your health (metabolic, physical, emotional and spiritual) and your overall happiness.

Some questions to ponder if you're feelings resistance or fear about this message,

• What could you be missing out on by attempting to control your eating and weight?

• How could these behaviors be affecting your relationships?

• What else could you be using that emotional energy for instead?

I'd love to hear from you! Feel free to reply to this love note, join my No-Diet Sisterhood group, or drop me a message on Instagram.

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If you're tired of battling with your weight, fed up with the cycle of yo-yo dieting, and yearning to be free from your obsessive thinking about food and your body, schedule your complimentary Embrace Anti-Diet Living Connection Session.

We’ll get clear on where you are now, what you want instead, and what might be getting in the way of your success.

I’ll also share some powerful recommendations and resources to get you started on creating a peaceful relationship with your body and food.

How “Feeling Your Feelings” May Help Improve Your Relationship with Food

At the root of many eating difficulties is the inability to experience or feel our feelings. While I agree with this, I will say that most don't know how that translates or integrates into their every day lives. In addition, even if they know that feeling their feelings may advance their personal growth, it still can be scary and overwhelming to think about actually doing it, especially without the proper support in place.

I came across this image How to Feel Your Feelings by bestselling author, artist & speaker Amber Rae @hyeamberrae a few weeks ago and posted it in my No-Diet Sisterhood group and a lot of members really loved it!

In this illustration, once you’ve determined that you’re “feeling off”, take time to pause between the following questions to explore your feelings. Notice how feeling your feelings involves going inward instead of searching for something outside of ourselves to “fix” the problem just like intuitive eating does.

1. What am I feeling?

2. Where do I feel it in my body?

3. If it could talk, what would it say?

4. What might this be teaching me?

5. What do I need right now?

6. What tiny step can I take to meet my need?

I know first hand how painful it can be to feel unpleasant feelings. I also know there are significant benefits to doing this but I didn’t always know or understand what they were. I have included three primary reasons why below and hopefully they will encourage you to try something different the next time you try to escape into unhelpful, self-destructive behaviors like restricting food, abusing alcohol, drugs, chronically "emotionally" eating, busyness, compulsive exercising, or a variety of other self-harming behaviors.

Here are three reasons why it is important to allow yourself to process and experience your true feelings.

1. Numbing feelings may dull happy emotions
   When we habitually numb our challenging emotions, we also risk the ability to experience other feel good emotions. As humans, we're designed to feel a wide range of emotions, not just the pleasant ones. When we allow ourselves to experience uncomfortable emotions like sadness or anger, it intensifies emotions like happiness and joy even more.
   

2. Fighting the emotions blinds you
   Acceptance is tough pill to swallow when you're dealing with painful emotions but without it, we are blind to seeing the possibilities the emotion has to offer us. The less we accept, the less energy and mental space we'll have to discern why the feelings surfaced in the first place! If we begin to change our mindset around unpleasant emotions and start to see them as messengers which signal something important that we need to pay attention to, the better off we'll be.
   

3. Processing emotions leads to a healthier relationship with food
   Allowing ourselves to feel emotions is part of life and when we allow it, we are deepening our connection with ourselves and with our bodies. By doing this, we inadvertently strengthen our intuitive eating practice too! The more we get acquainted with what our bodies need, the more often we will likely honor them by meeting their needs. In the end, this will lead to a fuller more satisfying life and a healthier and more peaceful relationship with food and body.

The next time you're confronted with uncomfortable emotions, remember the How to Feel Your Feelings image and consider the questions it’s asking. Doing this may help to process your emotions more easily so you can recognize the important lessons that may be hiding beneath them.

I'd love to hear from you! Feel free to respond to this love note and share how this image landed with you. Do you think this could be helpful for you?

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If you're tired of battling with your weight, fed up with the cycle of yo-yo dieting, and yearning to be free from your obsessive thinking about food and your body, schedule your complimentary Embrace Anti-Diet Living Connection Session.

We’ll get clear on where you are now, what you want instead, and what might be getting in the way of your success.

I’ll also share some powerful recommendations and resources to get you started on creating a peaceful relationship with your body and food.